this is how it goes

Big Blog News: Change of Address

2010-12-29T14:18:00.000-06:00

After blogging at this url for almost three years, I've decided to make a big change and move on over to a new address. That's right. I'll be giving up my home at www.illpullout.blogspot.com and moving in at www.marriedinchicago.blogspot.com. While I'm feeling a bit sentimental leaving my first internet home (sniff sniff), I'm really excited to settle in to the new spot. It feels good to start 2011 off in a new home.

Married in Chicago

Just like moving in real life, moving all of my content over to the new url was much more difficult then I anticipated. Packing up 437 posts takes time! Thankfully, Neill is a computer wiz! If we did everything correctly, you shouldn't even notice the change in location. I've brought over all of my old content and so the new blog is pretty darn similar to this one. I did make a few small changes to the layout, which should make it even easier to navigate. Go check them out!

While I am saying goodbye to this url, I hope I'm not saying goodbye to all of you. Update your bookmarks and come say hi over at Married in Chicago.

catch you on the flip side!
-a

Merry Christmas!!!

2010-12-24T09:33:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas Everyone!!! I'll be spending the next week with my in-laws in the Wild and Wonderful state of West Virginia. I'm so looking forward to relaxing around the fire place, munching on all of the delicious snacks the house is stocked with, and playing the stack of boardgames just waiting for us on the dining room table.

the christmas tree

If you have some downtime this weekend, check out this collection of all thing inspiring in 2010 and take a minute to add your own!

Loads of love,
a

Using Curtains for Closet Doors

2010-12-21T15:36:00.000-06:00

Sorry to leave you hanging with our bedroom revamp. Remember this board? Things are coming along well! I want to share pictures once everything is in place, but I've been waiting for our lamps to arrive (they were backordered). This has given us more time than expected to work on our bedroom. It is already feeling so much better and these last few tweaks are going to make it perfect!

Let me show you some of the layout of our bedroom, closet, and bathroom. I'll wait here while you click on the picture to see the bigger version.

look at my fancy drawing!

As you can see, we have a nice big closet (score), but the layout is a bit awkward. Our closet is basically the opposite of tucked away! This means there is absolutely no hiding from an unruly closet. And unfortunately, when our closet is messy it makes the whole room feel untidy. It goes without saying that this drives me absolutely crazy. How can I get any sleep when there is a messy closet in eye sight?

sadly, not too far from reality!

I've tried to keep our closet organized and neat, but I'm just incapable of maintaining any sense of order in there for more than a few days. After struggling against my closet demons for years, I'm finally ready to admit defeat. (I say my demons because I've taken over the entire closet basically, so I can't even blame Neill for this one!)

So, we've decided to use drapes to keep the closet/bathroom area hidden from view. But, this can't just be any old curtain. I want it to look luxe and chic - not cheap. Cue inspiration photos.

Lonny

Loft and Cottage

from apartment therapy

All of these pictures make the curtains look chic and purposeful. By analyzing what they have in common, I hope to achieve the same result.

Drapery Style: All have a grommet, ring top, or rod pocket. This looks much more modern than a tie top, tab top, or anything with too much pleating. Personally, I love the modern look of grommet top drapes or ring top drapes.

Length: The longer the better! The curtain rods are set as high as possible and the curtains end right above the floor or gently pool. Since we'll be using our drapes for a doorway (that has no molding), I'll position the curtain rod at ceiling height and plan for them to just reach the floor.

Fabric: Not only do most of these images feature fun prints or bold colors, but I think the nicest ones also seem to use a weightier fabric for the drapes. Cotton drapes may look flimsy on the wide doorway I will be covering, but I bet a silk duponi or even velvet would look stunning.

Number of panels: The pictures are kind of split on this - some feature just one panel and others have two. Either way you go, I think the trick is to order extra width in the fabric so that there is a fullness to the drapes. I've heard you should order curtains two times the width of your window size to add volume.

Here are some of the options I am considering right now.

west elm

pottery barn

I'm crushing hard on this last one - the color is perfect. If someone from Pottery Barn is reading this, could you please send me one of these in a 108' length? kthnx. That would be the sort of Christmas miracle I could really get into.

What do you think about using drapes instead of doors? Do you have any good tips for making it look stylish?

Reverb 10 - Avoidance

2010-12-20T23:26:00.001-06:00

What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

What a great question! Unfortunately, there are quite a few things I wanted to do this year that I just never went for. A big boo to that. I wanted to:
-take spanish lessons (too busy)
-go back to europe with neill (too broke, too busy, too unsure)
-get my drivers license (too scared)
-paint our condo (too busy and too unsure - its hard to pick paint colors!)
-run in a 5k (too scared and too unsure)

I'm sure there are more too. If I can do even one or two of these things in 2011, I'll be really proud of myself!

*edit: just realized the question asked what I should have done - not what I wanted to do. The only thing that falls in the should category is getting my license. Too bad in 2011 I'd much rather travel through Europe than worry about driving.

Reverb 10 - Healing

2010-12-19T10:45:00.000-06:00

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leoni Allan)

I didn't start off 2010 with an ailment, a break, or a wound and I don't feel like I'm ending this year feeling particularly restored or cleansed. Truth be told, I'm having a difficult time seeing the relevance of this question to my life. I lived each day, doing the the things I had to do and trying to fit in the things I wanted to do. Perhaps I should have focused more on "healing" - but, quite frankly, I didn't feel broken to begin with.

For 2011, I don't feel as though I have an area in myself or my life that is desperately calling out for a healing. Here is a quick run through:

Psychological: In general, I believe that everyone probably has some psychological dents or dings that can be smoothed out. But, most people who are able to successfully manage their day to day life do not need to be "healed." I'm content with my dings - they give me personality :)

Physical: I've already mentioned that there are things I want to do to improve my physical health, but I'm thankful that I am in good health and don't need to pray for healing.

Relational: Everything is pretty hunkey-dory here. I've got good people in my life and my relationships tend to be pretty conflict free. I can be pretty slow to warm up to people, so perhaps in 2011 that is an area that I can work to improve on.

Spiritual: Feeling good, feeling great. I just wrote a series of posts related to this here, here, and here.

Am I missing any big area?

On a side note, I'm just over about half-way done with Reverb 10 and I've got to say I'm a little disappointed with all of these hippy dippy new agey questions. I like the idea of reviewing the past year, but I was hoping Reverb 10 would focus more on creating actual plans and goals for next year. Am I the only one getting terribly sick of them?

Reverb 10 - Lesson Learned

2010-12-18T08:56:00.000-06:00

Lesson Learned - What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

I think one of the most reassuring things I learned about myself this year is that I can make it through the tough times. I've had my fair share of wanna pull my hair out-hide under the covers-this can't go on oh shit moments this past year. Whether it was the stress of wedding planning or getting beaten down by graduate school, there were certainly times when I sincerely wanted to throw in the towel. For example, if you spoke to me a few months ago I would have probably confided in you that I was thinking about leaving school after getting my masters degree instead of staying on to work on my PhD. Why? Because never having a day off starts to take its toll on a girl! But, I made it through the rough times and this gives me confidence for my ability to tackle what ever is coming next.

As corny as it sounds, there were actually a few quotes that really helped me roll with the punches this year.

"When you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
"Tough times never last, but tough people do."
"Keep calm and carry on."

Do you have any good quotes that give you the motivation to keep going or help you make it through the rough patches?

Reverb 10 - Action

2010-12-16T10:24:00.000-06:00

With the crunch of finals, I got really behind in my Reverb 10 posts. Thankfully, I'm done done done with this semester!!!!!!! Here is the prompt from December 13th.

When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? (Author: Scott Belsky)

Ooo ooo I know the answer to this!!! The next big goal I am working towards is defending my thesis. There are a number of things I need to do to make this happen: analyze my data, write up the results, write a discussion section, edit edit edit, format the paper, send document in for a format check, schedule a time for the defense, distribute final paper to my committee, develop power point presentation for the defense, do the presentation, make any changes recommended by my committee, make any changes mandated by my format consultant, and submit final copy along with relevant paperwork to the graduate school.

I get a little overwhelmed looking at this list, but it feels more doable to just focus on the next step--data analysis. My goal is to have my data analysis done by the first week of January. Hopefully I can keep up my motivation!

Celebrating Christmas for Jewish Girls : A Guide (Part III)

2010-12-15T20:51:00.000-06:00

It is finally time to start talking about Christmas!!! Can you tell how excited I am?

Neill and I celebrate Christmas with his family in West Virginia and it is always a great time. And you know what I've learned? Celebrating Christmas is a whole lot like celebrating Chanukah -- except with more candy. Yes, there are the obvious differences, but both of our family holiday traditions surround spending time with family, eating good food, and exchanging gifts. Hopefully, you don't need a guide to tell you how to do those things!

One thing that is different about Christmas it that there are so many more decorations. With Chanukah, all you need is a menorah and you are set. With Christmas, you've got stockings, wreaths, poinsettias, garlands, and Christmas lights--and that is in addition to a Christmas tree. We've never had even a hint of Christmas in our condo. Since we are always out of town for the holiday, it just seemed . . . unnecessary.

But, this year--for the first time ever--I wanted to bring some Christmas into our home. I can't stress enough how absolutely wonderful Neill was this Chanukah. He set up the menorah, learned the prayers, helped make latkes, and lit the candles with me every night. It felt so good to have him be an active participant in the holiday that I wanted to do the same for him! If a Christian can celebrate Chanukah like a pro, I see no reason why a Jew can't celebrate Christmas!

See, in the past we've approached Chanukah like it was my holiday and Christmas like it was his holiday. I was in charge of all things Chanukah and he was in charge of Christmas. This year, however, our approach shifted. Chanukah was our holiday and I want to make Christmas our holiday too. I'm looking forward to celebrating Christmas in West Virginia with my in-laws for years to come, but that doesn't mean we can't bring some of the Christmas joy into our home!

So I present to you everything you need to know about how to make your house look like one big Christmas party. For someone who has spent her whole life trying to ignore all things Christmas, it was quite a change to actually have to think about this stuff! There are so many decisions to be made, so many color schemes to choose from. I decided to keep things classic and stick with red, green, and white. I hope you enjoy!

+Wreaths
This is how Christmas dumb I am - I found myself googling phrases like "Where do you buy a Christmas wreath?" and "How to hang a wreath." And you know what I found out? They make products for that - wreath hangers! Who knew? But, you know what I like even better? This idea -- hang a wreath on each side of the door and use a pretty piece of ribbon to hold them both up (with the middle of the ribbon going on the top of the door and each end wrapped around a wreath). Here are the two I picked - both are variations on my red, white, and green color scheme.


Ornament Wreath

Berry Wreath

+Stockings

I was so excited when Neill's mom made me my own stocking the first year I celebrated Christmas with them. I want us to have stockings to hang on our fireplace too! I really like these simple white stockings from Garnett Hill.

stocking

+Stocking Holders

Oh my oh my oh my. Stocking holders might be by new favorite accessory! There are so many fun ones -- I just couldn't pick between these three.

JOY stocking holder

Gift Box Stocking Holder

Reindeer Stocking Holder

+A Christmas Tree

A Christmas tree is probably the most iconic symbol of Christmas, however, with our small condo it isn't very practical. But do you know what is totally doable? An ornament tree! I don't know if I've just been living under a rock or what, but I've actually never heard of one of these. But, it just seems like the perfect way to get some glittery ornament goodness without having a tree. Here are three I've found:

Ornament Tree

+Ornaments

I've never paid much attention to ornaments. So, I was surprised to see just how beautiful some ornaments are. But why oh why do I always fall in love with the most expensive accessories? These Waterford ornaments are just gorgeous.

crosshaven ornament

garland ornament

I think we'll need about twelve ornaments to fill our ornament tree. And since the ornaments are truly the focus of the ornament trees, I felt a little pressure to find the perfect combination. I love the folksy swirls of these first two ornament designs! To keep them the center of attention, I'll fill the rest of the stand with solid green, red, and white ornaments of varying size (all ornaments from c&b).

Swedish Cookie Ornaments

Folk Swirl Ornaments

White Ornaments

Red Ornaments

Green Ornaments

Whew! Now that is a lot of Christmas sparkle!

I feel lucky to be in an interfaith relationship. I truly believe I'm getting the best of both worlds. Not only do we get extra time to soak up the holiday goodness, but I think both of our lives are enriched by the new holidays and traditions we've been exposed to. While how we manage our faiths is bound to change over the years, for now we've found a happy combination that works for us--two parts latkes, one part Christmas ham, and one part chocolate covered marshmallow Santas.

Psss. Read Part I and Part II

Celebrating Christmas for Jewish Girls : A Guide (Part II)

2010-12-14T08:03:00.000-06:00

In Part I, I described what I would call the interfaith low point of our relationship. I was angry that Neill knew nothing about Judaism and unsure if he could ever "get it." I'm not quite sure what Neill was feeling at this point. My guess is that he was probably feeling confused ("Why is she so angry about this? What is the big deal?") and frustrated (Why is she acting like I'm a bad person or that this is my fault?"). But, I think there might have also been a part of him that understood where I was coming from to some extent. Having grown up as an ethnic minority in a predominantly White area, Neill knows a thing or two about being the odd man out.

image

In this post, I want to focus on how we got from Point A to Point B. I am writing this not only to reflect on our relationship, but also with the hopes that others going through the same thing might be able to take something useful from this.

How I Made Our Interfaith Relationship Work For Me*

+Being Honest With Myself

Even at 19 I was aware there were certain things that I would be unable to compromise on in regards to religion. For example, I felt strongly that my future children be raised in the Jewish faith and culture (i.e., no going to Church one week and Synagogue the next). I was honest with myself about what I felt were my deal breakers and I didn't even pretend to want to compromise on these.

+Being Honest with Neill

Given that there were issues I knew I could not compromise on, I directly asked Neill about his views and was honest with him about where I stood from early on in our relationship. I believe the conversations went something like this,

Me: Do you want kids?
Neill: Sure, one day. I love kids.
Me: Great. Just so you know - if I ever have kids they will be raised Jewish. Okay?
Neill: Um. Okay.

It probably wouldn't be too much of a stretch to say that I interrogated him about his beliefs. Somehow, Neill managed to pass! But if he hadn't? I don't think I would have stuck around. I feel bad saying this, but it just wouldn't have made sense for me to invest my time and energy. For example, one of my deal-breakers was the belief that Christianity is the one true religion. Why would I be with someone who looked down on my religion?

It's worth noting that the process of being honest with myself and with Neill is not something that you can just check off your list and be done with. It is a continuous process. Plus, people's feelings on religion can change. Now that we are married I obviously wouldn't run in the opposite direction if Neill decided to recommit himself to the Church (at least not right away), but if that ever happened we would have A LOT of issues to work out.

+Letting Go of The Anger/ Finding my Sense of Humor

Ohhh my good friend anger. It was hard to let you go, but I'm so glad I ditched you at the curb.

Why did I have so much anger in the first place? The answer to that is much more complex than I can adequately describe here, but I'll share the key pieces of information. My grandfather on my father's side was a Holocaust survivor. He escaped from Austria and came to the United States, but the majority of his family did not survive. Obviously, this experience drastically changed my grandfather's world view and to a large extent his view of Christians. This was passed down to my father who then passed it down to me. But, by the time I was 19 I could see that this anger had not served my father well. Anger, unless put to good use, rarely does.

That's not to say that some of that old anger doesn't pop up once in a while. Now, however, I direct my anger at systems - not people. For example, instead of: "I'm angry at Neill" it is "I'm angry that there are school systems in our country that do not educate their students about Judaism and other world-religions." I fully believe that people are a product of their environment and so redirecting my anger in this manner is consistent with my values. Furthermore, statements such as this are more productive in that they suggest institutions that need reform instead of just raging at one individual.

The second part of letting go of my anger at Neill was finding a reaction to take its place. For me, it really helped to approach situations with a sense of humor. Joking about our differences can sometimes help bring us together.

image

+Involving Neill in My Family's Traditions

Whew! After all of that hard work, we are finally getting to the fun part! Once we figured out that Neill was willing to learn and I was willing to teach, it was time to get down to celebratin'. In thinking about what was really important to me, I decided that I didn't care whether or not Neill had a large body of knowledge about Judaism. In general, what mattered most to me was that he got my flavor of Judaism. In other words, I wanted him to understood my beliefs, my culture, and my faith much more than I wanted him to know factual information on the religion.

And what better way to learn than by doing? Sure, Neill was like a deer in headlights his first time at a Passover seder, but now after a few go-arounds through a haggadah he is a pro!

I remember the first time we went to celebrate Chanukah at my mom's house we practiced the Chanukah song in the car the whole way there. Now, fast forward five years. This past Chanukah, Neill blew my socks off by being able to SING THE HEBREW prayers for lighting the menorah ALL BY HIMSELF. Yep. Pretty amazing, right?

And of course, Neill took an immediate liking to the food. But, I guess it is pretty hard to not like a bagel with cream cheese and lox :)

image

+Clearly Communicating Expectations
This is last, but certainly not least! I don't think I can over-stress how important this was to making things work. Because we are still figuring out how we want to celebrate these holidays and developing our own traditions, we still have to communicate about our plans. But, sometimes I have this nasty habit of thinking that Neill should just magically know what I want (example: "What do you mean you didn't know I wanted you to cancel band practice so that you could be home all 8 nights of Chanukah????"). So, I have to work doubly hard at making sure I communicate what I want. This means that I have to first decide what I want in advance. For me, this can be the most difficult part! But, I appreciate that it helps me be more purposeful in how I celebrate the holidays. I've found that if I can clearly communicate with Neill about what I'd like, Neill is usually more than happy to make that happen.

image

So there you have it - the five things I think are the vital elements to our interfaith relationship: honesty with self, honesty with partner, having a sense of humor, involving your partner in family traditions, and communication.

With all of these things coming together, Neill and I have been able to successfully navigate our interfaith world. In fact, the longer we are together the less it feels like we even are an interfaith couple! If you take away the labels of "Jewish" or "Christian", we have more beliefs in common than not. And when we pray, I believe we are praying to the same God. Plus, as Neill has become more invested in celebrating Jewish holidays, I've found myself becoming more open than I ever thought I would be to celebrating the Christian holidays in our home.

In Part III, the last installment, I'm going to talk about how we are bringing the Christmas cheer into our home for the very first time!

*I can't really speak to how Neill came to terms with our interfaith relationship.

Reverb 10 - 11 Things

2010-12-11T09:49:00.000-06:00

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)

Can I just say 11 pounds? Because I really don't need to be carrying around 11 extra pounds right now.

source

Apparently this is what five pounds of fat looks like. Here is what one pound looks like with a size reference.

1 pounder

Isn't that just grrreeeat?

I've thought about starting some sort of food blog to help me be more mindful of what I'm putting in my body, but I've never followed through. Perhaps something like what Jenna does at That Wife? I tend to think of myself as a "healthy eater," but I have a sinking feeling that if I really analyzed about everything that I ate I might be surprised at how unhealthy my diet actually is.

I don't think losing 11 pounds would change my life much, but I do think I'd feel better about myself!

Reverb 10 - Wisdom

2010-12-11T09:16:00.000-06:00

What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? 

(Author: Susannah Conway)

Another easy one! I made a big big big decision this year - I got married! I'm confident that not only was the decision wise (i.e, showing good judgment) but that I also I made the decision prudently.

our first kiss

As of tomorrow we will married six months so it seems a little premature to talk about how this decision played out. But, so far so good :)

Celebrating Christmas for Jewish Girls : A Guide (Part I)

2010-12-10T12:39:00.002-06:00

Now that Chanukah is over, it is time to move on to Christmas.

Yup, that is right. I'm going to go all in this year and go two for two.

But, before I talk about our Christmas plans this year I want to share with you how we got to this point because it has been a long road, baby. Let me explain.

I'm Jewish and my husband is not. I don't want to speak for him in terms of what he considers himself because I think that is a really personal and complex decision, but suffice it to say he grew up going to Catholic school and his family is Christian.

second date (2005)

When we first started dating my DH told me that I was the first Jewish person he had ever really known. I can't remember exactly what brought this up, but I sure do remember how I felt afterward - I couldn't imagine that it was possible for someone to live their whole life and never have met a person who is Jewish.

Furthermore, it made me angry because as a Jewish person growing up in a largely Christian world I have been forced to become familiar with Christian holidays. I couldn't avoid the information even if I had tried. And, at the time, I felt there was no reason in the world that made it okay to be ignorant about other religions and their beliefs and holidays. I thought by adulthood that any thoughtful person would have made an effort to educate themselves on other religions. So the excuse (which is how I saw it) that he didn't know about Judaism because he had never met a Jewish person just made me angry.

3 month anniversary

I felt that it shouldn't be my job or the job of any other Jewish person to educate members of the dominant religion on our faith and culture. I am not the spokesperson for Judiasm and I resented being put in that position.

On top of the anger (or maybe underneath of it), I think it made me a little sad. Everyone wants to be understood by their partner and I think I started to question whether it was possible for Neill to understand me.

So if you couldn't tell already, I had some strong feelings on the subject! Looking back, I think this could have been a point where either one of us decided to throw in the towel (remember, we had only been dating a few months). I was realizing that it was important to me that my partner respected and understood where I was coming from as a Jew and I could have made the decision to stop pursuing an interfaith relationship. On the other side of things, Neill also might have decided that he would rather date someone who celebrated the same holidays as him and didn't have the same anger over his lack of knowledge of Judaism.

But, we didn't (obviously). In fact, somehow we were able to get to the point we are today - enjoying the best of both worlds.

Chanukah 2008

Christmas 2006 - I have a stocking!

In Part II, I will address how Neill and I navigated our interfaith relationship. And then get to the fun stuff - our Christmas plans for this year!

pss. read part II here!

Reverb 10 - The Party

2010-12-09T22:20:00.000-06:00

What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

(Author: Shauna Reid)

Well, this is almost too easy.

Reverb 10 - Beautifully different

2010-12-09T21:55:00.000-06:00

December 8 - Beautifully Different (just a day late!)

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

There are tons of things that are "different' about me, but I'm pretty sure they are currently being underappreciated. For example, I like to leave the carton of soy milk out on the counter after using it instead of putting away. DH doesn't like this very much. Perhaps I need to explain to him that this is what makes me beautiful?

Reverb 10 - Make

2010-12-06T22:08:00.000-06:00

free front from how about orange

This one is easy! After spending all day cooking on Sunday for our Chanukah party, I feel like I've been making a lot lately. I'm not sure which dish was technically the last, but I do know which one was the easiest - Deb's mom's noodle kugle. I followed the recipe from Smitten Kitchen pretty much word for word (with no cherries), so I won't repost the recipe here. But let me tell you - IT IS EASY. AND DELICIOUS. This makes a winning combination. It all came together with egg noodles, eggs, sugar, cottage cheese, butter, vanilla, and salt.

I love cooking so there are always dishes that I want to make. But, a while back this recipe for pumpkin pie bars caught my eye. yummo. I have wanted to make these, but just haven't quite been able to find the time for it. However, it is probably better for my waistline if these stay on the "to-do" list rather than move over to the "scarfed down" category.

Reberb 10 - Let Go

2010-12-06T08:49:00.000-06:00

Remember how I said I was going to be flexible with my commitment to this? Well, this was actually yesterday's prompt. I didn't get to it because my day was jam packed with preparing for my Chanukah party and studying for finals. It is a good one though - so I'm going to go for it today.

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

When I first read this prompt Sunday morning I was immediately taken by the question. I'm obsessed with letting things go. I like nothing better than to go through our house and make a big pile of all of the things we don't need/don't use/don't want.

I don't want to be defined by things. I don't want to be overrun with things. I don't want to hold on to material possessions just for the sole purpose of having things. And so I purge (my stuff). I tear my closet apart and purge the dress I will no longer wear, the jean jacket I've had for two years and never worn, and old jeans that don't fit. I tear our cabinets apart too and ask myself questions like "Can we survive with only 1 spatula?" and "What is the minimum number of mixing bowls we need?" I argue with my husband and try and tear his things apart too.

I can be fairly ruthless in my crusade against things. My general rule is if we haven't used it/thought about it in 3 months, it goes. But, of course there are expectations. For example, I have a stack of old graphic t-shirts that I just can't get rid of. They remind me too much of high school me, of life then. So, I am saving them for a t-shirt quilt (at least, that is what I tell myself. They have remained in their original t-shirt state for quite some time. And I don't know how to make a t-shirt quilt anyways. But, that is besides the point). And books. I was raised with my father's sensibilities regarding books - you don't get rid of them. We have three large book shelves in our apartment all filled to the brim with books. We have old philosophy books, history books, art books, collections of poetry, fiction, and text-books. Mainly my father's books, now my books. Most of the stuff in our apartment will come and go. But, I plan on keeping these books until the day I die.

Interesting that a prompt on letting go led me to think about what hold on to. What do you think is more important - what you hold to or what you let go?

Reverb10 - Wonder

2010-12-04T09:34:00.001-06:00

So I've already messed up with this Reverb 10 challenge - I missed yesterday! oops. But that is the way life goes sometimes. I'm giving myself permission to be flexible in my commitment to this project. If I miss a day here and there it is because other things took priority.

Here is the question for today

How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
(Author: Jeffrey Davis)

To prompt my thoughts on this I looked up the definition of "wonder." As a verb, wonder means "to think or speculate curiously" or "to be filled with admiration, amazement, or awe." As a noun, wonder means "the emotion excited by what is strange and surprising; a feeling of surprised or puzzled interest, sometimes tinged with admiration."

After mulling over this definition, I must conclude that I don't have much of a sense of wonder in my life. I tend to be a bit cynical and it is hard to cultivate a sense of excited interested when you're too busy making snarky comments.

It is a shame too. I'm in the lucky position of getting paid to learn and do research. Looking at the first definition I provided, you could argue that it is actually my job to wonder. In my previous line of work this wasn't the case and I missed learning new things. Now, however, I've slipped into viewing learning as a chore instead of something to relish.

While I don't think I'll ever stop loving snarky comments, perhaps it might make sense to try and cultivate just a teensy bit of wonder into my life. But, I'm not sure if I even know the first steps to doing this! How do you cultivate a sense of wonder?

Reverb10 - Writing

2010-12-02T15:29:00.000-06:00

December 2 Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

I'm currently working on my thesis right now to get my master's degree in clinical psychology so that I can move on to working on my Ph.D. A lot of different kinds of work go into a thesis, but at the end of the day it all comes down to writing. It doesn't matter if you become an expert in your topic through countless hours of research, design an elegant study, collect data, or have interesting conclusions. If you don't write it, it doesn't count.

I'm at the "approved proposal" crest

Last year, when I started my project, professors suggested that I make time to write everyday. They advised me to schedule a small amount of time every day that I could devote just to writing, even if it was just half an hour. It sounded so simple, so easy. Thirty minutes a day and before you know it - a thesis! But, you know what? I never was able to follow through.

Not only did I want to take mental breaks from my project, but I found it very hard to get geared up to only work for 30 minutes. Thoughts like "I won't get anything done in just thirty minutes so why even start" made it hard to get motivated. Of course I didn't write everyday - I kept telling myself it would be a waste of time!

There are lots of other obstacles to writing everyday, but most of them I can't control. Negative thinking, however, is something that I can work on changing. The truth of the matter is, 30 minutes is enough to: edit a few pages, read two or three articles, or write a couple of paragraphs. Focusing on what I can accomplish in the time I have will help me meet my goal of finishing my thesis by June*.

*Whether or not this happens by writing everyday or just once or twice a week, I don't care. I just want to be done already!

Reverb10

2010-12-01T20:15:00.000-06:00

Psss. Guess what? I've decided to sign up for Reverb 10 as a way to reflect on this year and make some goals for 2011. Each day I'll be answering a prompt as part of this project.

The prompt for today was written by Gwen Bell.

"Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?"

I think my word for 2010 would have to be "planning". Neill and I planned a wedding as well as, more figuratively, a future. 2010 was also my first full year in graduate school. Not only did it take a lot of planning to get there, but the first year includes a lot of planning for things to come. In general, I think a lot of my energy in 2010 went to laying the groundwork for what I hope to accomplish and what I hope life will be like in the future.

I hope 2011 can be captured by the word "celebrate." I'd like to celebrate anything and everything possible in 2011 with good friends, good food, and good wine. In fact, I'm already getting a jump start on this by making a commitment to celebrate all 8 nights of Chanukah this year!

Happy Chanukah!

2010-12-01T18:24:00.000-06:00

Happy Chanukah everyone! Neill and I lit the candles, sang the Chanukah song, and now he is making dinner. I might have sneaked a few pieces of Chanukah gelt too :) Do I have it good or what?

For those of you who may not be as familiar with Chanukah, chabad.org provides a nice little summary of what Chanukah commemorates. They write:

More than twenty-one centuries ago, the Holy Land was ruled by the Seleucids (Syrian-Greeks), who sought to forcefully Hellenize the people of Israel. Against all odds, a small band of faithful Jews defeated one of the mightiest armies on earth, drove the Greeks from the land, reclaimed the Holy Temple in Jerusalem and rededicated it to the service of G-d.
When they sought to light the Temple's menorah (the seven branched candelabrum), they found only a single cruse of olive oil that had escaped contamination by the Greeks; miraculously, the one-day supply burned for eight days, until new oil could be prepared under conditions of ritual purity. To commemorate and publicize these miracles, the sages instituted the festival of Chanukah. At the heart of the festival is the nightly menorah (candelabrum) lighting: a single flame on the first night, two on the second evening, and so on till the eighth night of Chanukah, when all eight lights are kindled.

So basically it boils down to the same thing a lot of Jewish holidays celebrate - They tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat!

Planning A Last Minute Chanukah Party

2010-11-29T09:50:00.000-06:00

Happy (almost) Chanukah! This year I've committed myself to lighting the candles every single night - something I haven't done in years. Even though lighting the candles only takes a few moments, the hustle and bustle of day to day life make it easy to skip a night here and there. So this year I've been proactive -- I've rescheduled meetings, informed my professors that I won't be able to make my evening classes, and asked Neill to shift around his schedule as well. It feels good to make time for celebrating the holiday together.

Unfortunately, with Chanukah coming so close to Thanksgiving this year I've barely had any time to prepare! But, I'm determined to have my parents over one night so we can all celebrate together. Thankfully, we already have a menorah and candles so the only thing I need to take care of is the menu.

My aunt and me frying latkes together

I've decided to make two kinds of latkes - potato and zucchini (my personal favorite). To make the latkes feel extra special (and taste extra delicious!) we'll have a "toppings bar" of sour cream, applesauce, cavier, and creme fraiche. I'd also like to make noodle kugle and a simple roasted veggie. And now here is where things get sinfully easy, we'll be taking some help from the grocery store and serving a gussied up pre-made rotisserie chicken. Since latkes, the real star of the show, require a fair amount of "hands on" time I figured I'd give myself a break with the chicken. Fortunately, the traditional Chanukah dessert is also easy - jelly donuts!

Neill forming the latke

latkes frying up

In case there are any other MOT (members of the tribe) out there who are planning a last-minute Chanukah meal, here is a comprehensive shopping guide for the menu above. The ingredients are based off of recipes you can find here, but there are a ton of recipes online and they all call for basically the same things. Also, if you are missing the basics you'll need to pick up a menorah, candles, and a dreidel.

Happy Chanukah!

You need . . . .

Vegetable Oil

Salt and Pepper

1 lemon

10 large eggs

3 small onions

3 large baking potatoes (each should be about 1 pound)

1 pound of zucchini

1/2 cup matzo meal

1/4 cup all purpose flour

1 pound wide egg noodles

2 cups sugar

2 pounds full-fat cottage cheese (large curd)

2 sticks of butter

2 teaspoons vanilla

Salt to taste

Sour cream

Applesauce

1/2 pint of creme friache

Cavier (whatever is in your budget - I'll probably go with salmon roe)

2 rotisserie chickens

A few sprigs of fresh herbs for garnish

6 jelly donuts

Fresh vegetables

Chanukah gelt (chocolate coins)

the value of a photo

2010-11-28T10:39:00.000-06:00

photo by adam arcus

Have I mentioned my husband is in a band? They recently took some new photos and I love the dreamy effect the photographer was able to capture.

The one on the left is mine <3

Gift Guide: For Me!

2010-11-27T10:30:00.001-06:00

enlarge

1. Neill gave me a Longchamp bag last Christmas and it has been my everyday bag since then. Unfortunately, it hasn't held up very well and the corners of the bag are developing holes. Even though now I know that these bags aren't the best for everyday use, this red one would be the perfect once in a while bag.

2. I know the perfect spot for these John-Paul Philippé Framed Sketches!

3. I'm hopping on the colored tights trend (I'm just a year or so late). But, I'd love a pair or two in rich, jewel tone colors.

4. I tend to wear a lot of black and so accessories are an easy way to add color. These turquoise earrings are so fun.

5. During the windy Chicago winters my ears get so cold! I would love to have a pair of warm earmuffs to keep my lobes toasty.

6. I find that I spend about 500 dollars every semester on my textbooks. That means that a gift card to Amazon is always appreciated!

7. Here is another trend I'm just catching on to, albeit a few years late. These Hunter rain boots are at the top of my list! I had to travel through a bad rainstorm on Monday and that was the last straw. I need a pair of rain boots! Plus, I've also read that with a pair of warm socks these are good for snow because of the traction on the soles.

8. This cute little owl just makes me smile.

9. Since my Longchamp is starting to fall apart (literally), I really need a sturdy bag that can stand up to everyday use. I have high hopes for this Fossil bag.

10. I originally found this Bobbi Brown makeup palette for my mom, but I want one too! You get so many choices with just one compact!

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T11:12:00.001-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

Last weekend we prepared a Thanksgiving feast with friends and now we are celebrating with family. Today is a good reminder that we all have so many things to be thankful for.

Gift Guide: For Mom

2010-11-24T09:31:00.001-06:00

It is undeniable that the relationship between a mother and daughter is special. As I have gotten older I have been able to appreciate my mom for who she is - a strong woman who strives to make this world a better place. But, sometimes this means that she puts the needs of others before her own. So around the holidays I always want to give her luxurious items that she will enjoy.

Here is my ultimate gift guide for moms. I hope my top ten gifts for mom's gave you a few good ideas for things your mom (or mother-in-law!) might want. I've included links to brand specific items, but most of these things can be substituted with your favorite line. In your opinion, what do you think the best gift for a mom is?

[click the image to enlarge]

1. Caramel Marshmallows and Beer Gift Set from Vosges Chocolates. Everything Vosges makes is absolutely delicious, but my mom loves marshmallows so I think this would be the perfect box of sweets for her.

2. I love that my mom does yoga because it is something she does for herself! When she decided to get certified to teach yoga I gave her a new mat to show my support.

3. This year, my mom asked me for cashmere socks. Cashmere is so soft and comforting, I don't think you can go wrong with cashmere anything! But, I've got to say - cashmere socks sound so comfy, I might want a pair too. These cozy socks from Old Navy would also make a good stocking stuffer.

4. Every night before bed my mom relaxes and reads and this nonfiction book looks like a good read.

5. Bobbi Brown Lip and Eye Palette. Bobbi Brown is my mom's favorite cosmetic line and I think she would put this makeup palette to good use.

6. A good body scrub is a necessity during the cold Chicago winters and this scrub from Crabtree & Evelyn sounds divine.

7. A plush cashmere scarf just says luxury. Not only does it keep you warm, but its nice to cuddle with too.

8. Perfume is a simple luxury that can be enjoyed every day! I love this Burberry perfume, but its fun to pick whichever scent smells best to you.

9. What woman doesn't love getting jewelry! These earrings from Sundance are a sophisticated take on the hoop earring.

10. I don't think my mom would purchases these Ugg slippers for herself, but I just know she would love them! She hates being cold and is always looking for ways to bundle up. These are sure to keep her tootsies toasty.

Gift Guide: For the Husband

2010-11-21T19:07:00.000-06:00

It is always so difficult to decide what to get Neill for the holidays! I'm not very good at sleuthing out what he wants and I'm usually hesitant to buy him presents that he hasn't asked for. I guess that makes me pretty bad at surprises. But, it is near impossible to surprise a music gear techy who has specific tastes on what he wants and doesn't want! So, we've accepted that in our family we will just ask each other what the other one wants. This way everyone is happy!

I've compiled a list of some of the top gifts I've gotten Neill over the last five years. Some are big and some are small, but they have all been hits. A few of them were even surprises! It is pretty cool to look back and see all of the neat things I've given him. I hope this helps someone out there find the perfect gift for their beer brewing, whiskey drinking, music playing, nerdy special someone.

[click on the image to enlarge]

1. Maker's Mark whiskey

2. Whiskey Stones

3. Set of Maker's Mark tumblers

4. Korg H4 recorder

5. Ipod mini

6. Beer brewing start-up kit

7. Valentino cologne

8. Joan Jett Melody Maker guitar

9. Epiphone Sheraton II guitar

10. Got Linux? t-shirt

11. Glenlivit scotch

This year for Chanukkah we're gifting each other some new bedroom furniture, but I still have to find something to give Neill for Christmas! Do you have any suggestions?

Sunday Lovely

2010-11-21T16:47:00.000-06:00

Isn't this picture just dreamy?

apartment therapy

Bedroom Design Inspiration

2010-11-20T14:37:00.000-06:00

Now that I've purchased our new nightstand and I've basically decided on what lamp to go with, I was able to crate a final inspiration montage. Even though we live in the heart of the city, I'd like our bedroom to feel more relaxed coastal than urban. We'll be purchasing the furniture as our holiday gift to one another, but attempting to DIY the art.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, & 8

We've given ourselves about a 450 dollar budget - 225 from each of us. Thankfully, the nightstand and lamps are covered by gift certificates we received as wedding gifts. These items alone would have eaten up our budget!

I'm pretty set on purchasing this chair and I'm thinking about rounding out our reading nook with this 4' X 6' indoor/outdoor rug from Dash and Albert and a floor lamp. I'd love to find a reasonably priced lamp that resembles this one from Crate and Barrel. I've also added a fun knitted poof to the picture! But for 80 dollars, my dreams of poofs may have to wait a while. Poof or no poof, it will be so nice to have a comfy spot to get my hours of school related reading done!

This little light of mine (In search of a table lamp)

2010-11-19T09:47:00.000-06:00

A few days ago I ordered a new nightstand using gift certificates Neill and I received as wedding presents. And thanks to my husband, the beauty is already assembled and set up next to our bed. Yay!

Now, it is time to find us a pair of lamps. Currently we have two plastic floor lamps that I've never been a fan of. They look something like this:

We've had them for about five years. We bought them for the first apartment we ever had together when we were buying the cheepest version of everything we needed. The lesson I'm learning is that just because something is cheap, it doesn't necessarily mean it is a good deal! It is worth spending a little bit more money if it means getting something you'll want to keep forever. [Of course, it would be even better if you could find something you love without spending the extra cash.]

I'm hoping we can sell the lamps on craigslist (or give them away on the free section) to make room for two new lovelies.

Here are the lamps I've been digging.

Chelsea Bedside Lamp

I'd get this lamp in the antique bronze finish. On the plus side, Pottery Barn is having a sale right now and I could purchase two of these lamps for 148 dollars. Plus, Pottery Barn takes William Sonoma gift cards, so we could probably buy these lamps without actually spending any cash. Also, this lamp is adjustable (22.5- 27.5 inches). Downside? We have to buy the shades separately, which could be an extra 60 dollars.

Hoopla Teal Table Lamp - $49.95

This little cutie is nice and cheap and I like the blue. But, I'm not sure if the color is too jewel-toned for our room. Plus, it might be a bit too modern.

Kathryn Table Lamp - 179.00

This is way our of budget, but oh gee I just love love love this lamp. One day.

Alexis Ceramic Table Lamp - $99.00

I'm in like with the blue lamp on the left. But is it too pastel? This one is from pottery barn, so again we could use gift cards for it. But, buying the shades would be mo money.

Eva Colored Glass Table Lamp - $99.00

Oh gee here is another one I'm just in love love love with from pottery barn. I'd go with either the sea glass color or the clear. The reviews say the sea glass color is actually very green and I was hoping for something more blue, but damn I just love these.

Blue and Chrome Table Lamp - $149.99

Lovely lamp in what appears to be the perfect shade of blue! I've really liked this one for a long time too. Target has some really cute lamps!

Genie Vase Lamp - $229.99

Now I'm just getting distracted with all the beautiful lamps from Target. This one is probably much to large for our nightstands. But now I'm thinking about how lovely this lamp would look on our console table in the entry way.

Ceramic Table Lamp - $129.99

Something about this lamp reminds me of a grandma. I'm not quite sure. I like the color though and it could be great in person. Maybe I like it because it reminds me of one of the lamps I registered for that has since been discontinued.

Stephen's Table Lamp - $229.00

Again, I'm getting distracted. But I love this lamp too! Why is it so expensive???

Whew. That was a lot of lamps. I think I'm largely stuck between the Eva Colored Glass Table Lamp, the Blue and Chrome Table Lamp, the Chelsea Table Lamp, or the Alexis Ceramic Table Lamp. What is a girl to do?

Night Stand - Purchased!

2010-11-15T22:45:00.000-06:00

After examining all of our options, we decided to go ahead and purchase the Brighton Night Stand from Crate and Barrel.

Not only do we like the way it looked, but we were able to purchase it with gift cards we recieved at our wedding. So, that's basically like FREE! Getting married is truly the gift that keeps on giving (haha).

Since I was buying something anyways, I snuck in another purchase. The Sedona Hamper. Check out this beauty.

Ooo baby. I've wanted this hamper for YEARS. What can I say? Some girls want shoes. I want a laundry basket. I'm super excited to upgrade from my blue plastic hamper I've had since grade school to this classy lady. (Yes! Neill and I are currently using a hamper I've had throughout high school and college! Is this tmi? I hope not)

After our 10% off for "registry completion" and using our gift-cards ($300), I only ended up spending 17 dollars to have these lovelies delivered to our front door. Yippeee! I love presents!

White Night Stand Under 200 Dollars

2010-11-13T08:21:00.000-06:00

Neill needs a night stand. Somewhere to put his glass of water. his glasses. his stuff. Really, I don't know how we've gone more than three years living here with just a big empty space where his bed side table should be. Oops!

But, now is the time! If only we can find one that just isn't so darn expensive! Who knew that night stands can cost hundreds and hundreds dollars? Maybe this is why we never got one for him . . .

Faux Bamboo Night Stand - $788.00

so lovely, but so out of our price range

Picking out furniture has always been difficult for me. Well, not the picking it out. Its easy for me to see things I like. It is the following through and buying that is difficult. Somewhere along the way I developed a "second hand is best" mentality. Most of the pieces of furniture in our bedroom are second hand - bed frame (craigslist), my side-table (craigslist), dresser (hand me down from grandma), mirror (hand me down from mom), and book-case (built by mom, painted by us). In fact we only have two items that we actually purchased from an actual store: a beautiful full length mirror from Crate and Barrel, which we bought as an anniversary present to each other one year, and an Ikea Hemnes Dresser, which we bought when we first moved in because we needed somewhere to put our clothes ASAP.

Anyways, now that I've shared entirely too much information with you regarding our furniture, here is the dilemma. What nightstand to choose???

Ikea Hemnes Nighs Stand - $59.99

Adelle Bed Side Table - $149.99

Brighton Night Stand - $199.00

South Hampton Night Stand - $129.99

Charlotte Bed Side Table - $199.99

Everyone Takes the Bus

2010-11-09T09:10:00.000-06:00

image source: crate and barrel

Amazingly enough, I see this woman ALL THE TIME on the north avenue bus on my way to work. Her hair really is that fabulous (and why I noticed her in the first place). While doing some online browsing, I stumbled across her picture on the crate and barrel website. Crazy, huh?

J. Wellington's

2010-11-08T15:31:00.000-06:00

Like every god-fearing, flag worshiping American I love love love a good hamburger. And in the summer, it is easy to get my fill of hamburgers (and pretty much all other grilled meats). We grill. Friend's grill. Everyone wants to get together and grill.

But, then the cold weather comes and the grilling stops and so we stop eating hamburgers. Yes yes we could make them on the stove, but we've tried that and have never been fully satisfied with the results. And while I'm sure there are some wonderful burger places out there, we haven't found them*!

Well, that is until last night.

J. Wellington's opened up in our neighborhood maybe six months ago. I thought the sign was kind of cheesy and we've pretty much avoided the place (except one day when I had a serious craving for a root beer float. it was delicious). After our dinner plans last night fell through and Neill had a serious case of hunger induced crankiness, we decided to give J. Wellington's a try. We ordered at the counter and then grabbed a seat to wait for our burgers. About ten minutes later someone delivered the meaty goodness to our table.

I did the "build your own" and added lettuce, tomato, a fried egg (because why the fuck not), and siracha may on the side. ooo and a pretzel role, which pretty much makes everything better. All in all, the burger gets two thumbs up. Not over cooked (thank god) and I liked the variety of toppings to choose from. Plus, the fries are delicious.

Did I mention that its also BYOB? Yeah. That's pretty fantastic. (although, this isn't really the place I'd hang out all night. Its more like a Jimmy Johns than a restaurant)

So now we have a burger place to go to all year round. Thank god for that.

*I do like Kuma's corner, but I'm not always up for the wait. Bin Wine Cafe also has a good burger, but for some reason I never think of going there.

Holiday Cards

2010-11-07T13:32:00.000-06:00

I am really looking forward to sending out holiday cards this year! Since Neill and I already have all of our VIPs' addresses compiled in a nice organized list from sending out our wedding invitations, I thought it would be a fun and easy thing to do for holidays. Little did I realize how hard it would be to pick a card that would be appropriate for everyone we know.

It was a nightmare finding a stylish holiday card that was non-religious! And I mean really non-religious. A card that says "Seasons Greetings" or "Happy Holidays" but has some sort of ornament design or uses a red/green color scheme still screams Christmas. And even though some of them are adorable, they just aren't right for us. Plus - I wouldn't feel right sending them my Jewish family members and friends. What they really need to make is an interfaith card for all of us interfaith families!

I finally settled on this one from Zazzle. It incorporates the blue for Chanukah and the red for Christmas, but isn't particularly reminiscent of either holiday.

Even though the picture from our wedding is decidedly un-wintery, I thought it would be a nice way to share a wedding photo with everyone. Plus, it's just purrrty.

I can't wait to get these in the mail! I'm hoping to send them out the first week of December.

Webster's Wine Bar

2010-11-06T20:05:00.000-05:00

I'm about to head out the door for a friend's birthday celebration at Webster's Wine Bar. It's making me nostalgic for the first time I went there - almost three years ago! I can't believe just how fast time is going by these days. Anyhoo, I was inspired to post the original review I wrote back in January of 2008. Take a trip down memory lane with me!

xoxox
a

p.s. - Happy Birthday Cathy!

Pumpkin Carving

2010-10-30T09:00:00.000-05:00

To kick off our Halloween weekend Neill and I carved pumpkins with a friend last night. I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that mine is the one in the middle. It was supposed to be a cockeyed vampire pumpkin, but it kind of just looks like a fifth grader did it. Oh well. Neill did his band logo and James just made a goofy face. I love how he did the eyes! I would have never thought of that. I'm going to have to brush up on my skills before next year.

I must admit though, my favorite part about pumpkin carving is the seeds. I love scooping them out with my hands and getting all gooey, I love roasting them in the oven, and I really love eating them when they are done! nom nom nom. If you are carving pumpkins this year YOU MUST make the pumpkin seeds. Just clean off the seeds in water to remove any residual pumpkin mush, coat in olive oil and salt, spread on baking sheet, and roast in oven at 325 for about 25 minutes.

Scary Movie

2010-10-27T21:49:00.000-05:00

Don't you just love scary movies? There is something so fun about gripping the edge of your seat and feeling your heart pounding (without any real danger!).

This Saturday I'll be celebrating my love of scary movies (and Halloween) at the Hyde Park Arts Center for Scary Movie Party, a showcase of DIY no budget scary movies. I'm hoping to be successfully spooked!

Here is the trailor for the movie my hubby is in

Sunset Bloody Sunset by Sebastian Lama SMP 2010 Trailer from SCARY MOVIE PARTY on Vimeo.

It should be a scream!

Life Gets Better

2010-10-25T13:45:00.001-05:00

I decided to take a trip down memory lane today and think about where I was at this time last year. I think my blog post from October 25th, 2009 says it all:

"FML

i woke up at 6 am to grade papers".

And that was a Sunday!

It is easy for me to get caught up in complaining about how hard x,y, and z is (mainly because I'm a wimp), so it is nice to have this very real reminder that things are actually pretty good for me right now. Life gets better. Sure, it probably gets worse too - at least sometimes. But, I believe that eventually everything will even out. Last year on this date I had to wake up ungodly early on the weekend to get some grading done, but this year I got to sleep in and spend all day working from home. And by working, I mean avoiding my real statistics work to blog and think about dinner.

twice baked potato for dinner. yes please! image source.

What were you doing this time last year?

The Violet Hour

2010-10-25T12:44:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago Neill and I finally decided to try out The Violet Hour - a speakeasy style cocktail lounge with a refined atmosphere. Considering that it is only a few blocks from us, I'm embarrassed it took us this long to visit. But, I've always been turned off by the constant line of people waiting to get in and the "we're too cool to put a sign up" vibe I thought I was picking up. It didn't seem like a place for me. But, as it turns out, having no sign is part of the speakeasy theme. And while there is a line to get in, its because they only let people in when they have seats for them. So, there is no crowding around the bar waiting to get a drink while scanning the room hoping for a table to open up. Instead, you are shown to a seat and helped by a waiter. It is all very dignified.

So yes, I broke my own rule and waited in line for a chance to see for myself what the buzz is all about. And you know what? It wasn't that bad (the waiting that is, The Violet Hour was much better than "not that bad"). Our group of four kept the conversation lively and the hour nearly flew by. (To avoid the line go early! We got there around 9:30). Once in side, I was struck by the design. Reminiscent of a French Salon, the walls are a beautiful blue and there is white crown molding. We were seated in a private enclave made up of two love-seat style, high wing-backed seats. The music was pleasant, but quiet enough as not to intrude. Everything seemed to be done to create intimacy and leave plenty of space for quiet conversation.

Oh and I haven't even mentioned the cocktails yet! Each special and delicious sounding, our group had a great time discussing the menu. I had two wonderful gin cocktails, each deliciously foamy because of the addition of egg whites. The second wasn't on the menu, but I told our waitress how much I had enjoyed my first drink and she offered to bring back a "surprise". How fun! At the end of the night, our waitress offered us each a free shot of whiskey or chartreuse, a french liquor. While I ended up sipping my chartreuse, I loved the herbal flavor. Plus, we all had a good laugh at the contrast between the elegant atmosphere and free shots.

Overall, we had a wonderful experience at The Violet Hour and I hope to make it back one day. At 12 dollars per cocktail, this isn't somewhere I would plan to spend all night, but I see it as a perfect spot to go for a few special drinks.

[Photo Credit:Clayton Hauck for Metromix]

New Look!

2010-10-24T15:07:00.000-05:00

My little corner of the internet is sporting a new look! My goal was to make the blog more visually interesting and more user friendly. I'm so excited to have the page links, right under the blog title! They aren't filled in yet, but eventually a centralized list of all of my wedding posts will be featured under "Our Wedding" and I am going to post links to all of the places I have reviewed under "Around Town". I plan to post new reviews and tag them to that page as well. Once everything is transferred over, I will likely delete my yelp account and just post them on This Is How It Goes. I've also added search capabilities and updated my reading list. Ooo and now, if you like a post you can easily share it on google buzz, facebook, or twitter using the little buttons at the end of each post.

Hope you like the new design! Happy reading!

xoxox
a

Miller Time: Saying I Do

2010-10-23T15:58:00.000-05:00

As Your Hand In Mine (Explosions in the Sky) started to play, my heart jumped into my throat and all of I sudden I wanted everything to slow down. How could this all be happening so fast?

Out walked Neill.

I love how big our parents are smiling in these two pictures.

Neill was followed by his two best men, James and Tom.

The men were followed by my very best friends in the whole wide world, Cathy and Grace. I didn't want to let them go.

And suddenly it was time for me to walk out, on my own. I didn't expect to want someone there by my side. After all, I had chosen to walk out alone. But, in the end I wanted someone to squeeze my hand. Lucky for me, that someone was waiting for me just a few steps away.

So I went to get my man.

When I got under the chuppah, I couldn't help myself - I gave him a kiss.

And then, it was just the two of us. getting married.

We stood under the huppah lovingly crafted by my mother from a tablecloth passed down from my father's mother. We drank the wine from a kiddush cup passed down from my grandfather. We soaked in how privileged we were to take part in the rich tradition of marriage.

Our mothers gave the most beautiful bring-tears-to-my-eyes reading (Union by Robert Fulghum)

You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making commitments in an informal way. All of those conversations that were held in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks – all those conversations that began with, “When we’re married”, and continued with “I will” and “you will” and “we will” – all those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” – and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.

The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things that we’ve promised, and hoped, and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word."

Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, even teacher, for you have learned much from one another these past few years. Shortly you shall say a few words that will take you across a threshold of life, and things between you will never quite be the same.

For after today you shall say to the world –

This is my husband. This is my wife.

And then, we said our vows and exchanged rings.

I pledge to be your partner, your loving friend, your supportive companion. I look forward to sharing life's experiences with you. I will comfort you in times of sorrow and rejoice with you in times of happiness. I will work to build a home with you filled with laughter,empathy, faith, imagination, trust, friendship companionship and love. I will live each day with you to its fullest. This is my solemn vow.

After exchanging our rings, we did the signing of the ketubah. While traditionally this is done before the ceremony, we wanted to incorporate it into the wedding so that all of our guests could serve as witnesses. We asked my aunt, Lanie, and Neill's Grandmother, Pearl, to serve as our official witnesses and sign the ketubah with us.

And then our Rabbi gave the priestly benediction, recited the seven wedding blessings, and did a reading we had chosen.

These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever. These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other. These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and as in today, tears of joy. These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children, the hands that will help you to hold your family as one. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

i was feeling pretty happy at this point!

At the very end, we did the most well known of all the jewish wedding customs - the breaking of the glass.

Before I knew it, the whole ceremony was done and we were in yichud as husband and wife.

Miller Time: T-Minus 30 Minutes

2010-10-18T09:24:00.000-05:00

A month or so before the wedding we made a mix to play through an ipod and the house speakers for the thirty minutes prior to the ceremony. I am SO GLAD we did this! Not only did we get a ton of compliments on the music, but it was wonderful to hear all of the lovey dovey songs we picked out. Plus, now Neill and I can listen to this mix whenever we want. We played:
We’re going to be friends – The White Stripes
Way Tight – Ani Difranco
Forever – Ben Harper
First Day Of My Life – Bright Eyes
Keep It loose, Keep It Tight – Amos Lee
Say Yes – Elliot Smith
1234 - Plain White Ts
Red Right Ankle – The Decembrists
In The Aeroplane Over The Sea – Neutral Milk Hotel
Lucky -- Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat
You Remind Me of Home – Ben Gibbard

This is the real pre-ceremony. The last thirty minutes. My heart was pounding and my adrenaline was up. The passage of time was marked by the change in music. Each time a song ended, I asked Neill how many more there were to go. Listening to these songs still gets my heart racing.

Guests did this:

And we did this this:

And after what seemed like a long while, You Remind Me of Home finished and We're Going to Be Friends started up again (which was okay since only a few people were there a full thirty minuets early to hear that song and really, I had bigger things on my mind besides worrying about a song playing twice) and it was time to get hitched!

Miller Time: Pre-Ceremony!

2010-10-15T09:45:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry to have left you all hanging about what came next, but for some reason I just COULDN'T keep going with the updates. But, I hate leaving projects unfinished so I'm going to persevere :)

Now . . . where was I? Ah. Yes. We just finished up our bridal party pictures and were heading off to Volo for the ceremony.

Hmm. Now this is where I start to block. What to say about this? I mean, we were going to the place where we'd be married! I was nervous, excited, amazed, freaked, happy, and sad - all at the same time. I really can't put it in to words. Thankfully, I have some pictures to help me tell the story :)

Here is what we saw when we arrived.

Looking back, I want to pat myself on the shoulder for how beautiful the space turned out! But, at the time, I was so hyped up I barely noticed any of these things. Instead, we headed down into the wine cellar to hang out. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I hate rushing and I like to be places fifteen minutes early. So, of course I built in lots of added time into my wedding day time-line. It was really nice to have time to just relax. Plus, it gave us a chance to show off our custom wedding day converse!

But, soon enough it was time to scurry back downstairs. The guests were going to start arriving any minute! I promise to come back soon and tell you all about my walk down the aisle!

[All photos by Alix Klingenberg]

Miller Time: Family Photos

2010-07-25T09:51:00.000-05:00

Want to catch up? . I ran errands, we rehearsed, we ate pizza, the girls got beautiful, the boys looked sharp, somehow I managed to actually get into my dress, we had our first look, and got our model on.

When I left off, we had just finished our photos at Promontory Point and I needed to make a decision about where to head next. On one hand, I could choose to be late to family photos and go to our second photo location. On the other hand, I could just suck it up and go make the most of family photos. Like the good daughter I am, I chose to go back to the hotel for family photos.

Yippeee!

So back to the hotel we went! There isn't much to say about the family photos, except that it was quick and dirty.

Even though I remember it being somewhat of a wash, I was surprised to see that we did get a couple family portraits that I love. Here is my favorite one: it is me, my mom, my grandfather, and my mom's sister. These are my VIPs so I was excited we had a chance to snap a picture together before the whole group showed up.

Here is a shot of everyone.

Since family photos took WAY less time than I originally planned for, we made the decision to go to a second photo location on our way to Volo. A few months ago, I spotted this cute little fire station just a few blocks from the hotel and squirreled it away in my mind as a possible photo location.

These last three are my favorites.The firemen were so kind to us and even rolled down the red door for us to use as a backdrop. I'm so glad we had a chance to take these pictures! I just love them.

Next - we get to Volo and finally get some time to chill.

Miller Time: Bridal Party Photos

2010-07-20T10:58:00.000-05:00

Hmm. Okay. Where were we? Ah yes. I ran errands, we rehearsed, we ate pizza, the girls got beautiful, the boys looked sharp, somehow I managed to actually get into my dress, and then we had our first look!

So now it was time for us all to load into a limo and take pictures! Group photos were on the schedule from 2 to 4 in the afternoon and the plan was to try and hit up two locations. If the weather was pleasant, we planned to go to Promontory Point and the Canal Street Bridge. If you remember, way back when we checked out Promontory Point (click to see my blog post about it) as a possible wedding venue. The area is so beautiful and we really fell in love with the spot. SO we were very excited to still be able to take advantage of how beautiful it is! If the weather was rainy or just excruciatingly hot, the plan was to go to Union Station and the rooftop bar at theWitt hotel.

Deciding on these photo locations was probably the single most stressful decision I had to make in the weeks leading up to the wedding. I couldn't just make a decision and be done with it. No. I had to labor over each and every option. Weigh the pros and cons. Stress out. Looking back, I really wish I hadn't wasted all those hours freaking myself out. On the day of, I was so excited to be with Neill that nothing else really seemed to matter. I just sort of stopped caring about the pictures I had put so much planning into. I guess that's how it should be, though. That's why we hire photographers. Who wants to stress out over photos on their wedding day? Not me.

Anyways, the last thing I'll say before I just show you the goodies is that THE WEATHER WAS PERFECT. THE RAINY, 95 DEGREE , 80% HUMIDITY WEATHER THAT WAS PREDICTED FOR WEEKS NEVER SHOWED UP. I truly count this as my WEDDING DAY MIRACLE. It was our personal wedding gift from the weather gods. I really just can't say enough what a blessing it was. Stepping outside and feeling the fresh, cool air - I felt SO lucky. Disaster diverted.

Anyways. I know if any of you out there hate the hot humid weather as much as me, you understand the utter wave of relief I felt. Those of you sickos who actually like being a sweaty mess just won't get it.

See the pictures after the jump!

In the limo, on the way to Promontory Point

The balloons fit into the limo. Hooray!

did I mention that in the week leading up to the wedding I decided I wanted to use cranes as a prop? no? well i did. neill and i made them together. I like the pop of color they add!

The balloons!

This is one of my favorite pictures of neill and me

In the limo, riding to our next location

Time must have gotten away from us while we were at Promontory Point because before we knew it the clock was almost at 4! That means, I had a tough decision - go back to the hotel so we had plenty of time for family photos OR head over to the bridge for more bridal party shots and be late for the family photos. I'll tell you what I chose in my next post. But, I'm curious - what would you have done?

[all photos by alix klingenberg]

Miller Time: The First Look

2010-07-17T09:38:00.000-05:00

Have you fallen behind on the recap train? Read all about what happened before our first look: I ran errands, we rehearsed, we ate pizza, the girls got beautiful, the boys looked sharp, and somehow I managed to actually get into my dress.

Once I was finally dressed, I grabbed my bouquet and hightailed it to the room Neill was waiting for me in. I'm pretty sure I was all shaky and giddy walking over to him. I've gotta admit - it was pretty awesome :) Once I saw him, it was like nothing else that day mattered. I hate myself for sounding so corny, but its true. I sort of just stopped caring about whether or not we were going to have awesome pictures or if our families would have fun at the reception or if the cake was going to taste good or if it was going to rain. We were together and that was what mattered. Thinking about it now gets me all happy inside.(And if you know me, you know that's hard to do with my heart of coal and what not)

Neill waiting patiently for me

Here I come! Look at Neill' super happy goofy grin :)

together!

so happy!

After our first look, we took just a few pictures together around the hotel. I love how deliriously happy we both look in this picture. These are real smiles :)

loverz for life

We even got some artsy fartsy shots

Then, it was time to grab the bridal party and head for the hills! Check back to see what shenanigans we got ourselves into.

[photos by Alix Klingenberg]

Miller Time: Putting On The Dress

2010-07-16T10:30:00.000-05:00

A little behind on what happened? Catch up! I ran errands, we rehearsed, we ate pizza, the girls got beautiful, and the boys looked sharp.

So there I am. Just tra-la-la-ing along. Having a good time. Not concerned about the time one bit because I knew these ladies are looking out for me and really - how long could it take to get into a wedding dress anyways? That is - until someone mentions that it is almost 1:45.

Say what?!?

1:45 is when Neill and I scheduled our first look! And I just SPRINTED. I went into attack mode. My mission was to go get my man and I was full throttle ahead. And it wasn't until that moment that I realized that I didn't just have to easy peasy slip my dress on. I had to put my underthings on, I had to get my earring in, my bracelet on, my dress on, the sash tied, my shoes, and spritz on the magic. oh geez.

Did I mention my dress had buttons? Lots of tight buttons. Hmm. This might be more difficult than I originally thought. It was of course at this exact moment that I realized my bridesmaids weren't dressed either. On that note - where were my bridesmaids? I later found out that had gone down to check out of the hotel, but at the time I felt a little . . . stressed. Here it was crunch time and where had they gone? Thankfully, they soon reappeared.

This was probably the most stressful point of the day. I really don't like rushing. But, because I was so excited I think the stress just felt like more adrenaline.

Anyways, if it hadn't been for those blasted buttons I probably would have been right on time. But, I had three people trying to button me up and it still took forever! At least it made for some beautiful "getting into the dress" shots!

Finally, I slipped on my earrings and I was ready to go.

I don't even think I took a minute to check out the final package. All I wanted to do was go see Neill!

Miller Time: The Boys Looking Sharp

2010-07-13T17:10:00.000-05:00

A little behind? Catch up! I ran errands, we rehearsed, we ate pizza, and the girls got beautiful.

While us ladies were up (relatively) early to get our beauty on, I can honestly say I have absolutely no idea what Neill and his crew did all morning. All I know is that sometime around 11:30 Neill texted me saying someone along the lines of "What's going on? We're going to start getting dressed." Well okay then!

I absolutely loved loved loved the color of their ties! I ordered them from Jenny Yoo to match the bridesmaid dresses (Silk Shuntung in the mist blue, if you're curious). I was a bit worried it would all look too matchy matchy, but I ended up really loving how it looked! We actually got a bunch of compliments on them too :) I hope the guys liked them too, because they were part of our gift to them.

After our coordinator, Morgan, helped them with the boutonnieres they even had some time to goof around! I love this picture :) Don't they look so handsome in their gray suits? Plus, they are showing off the other half of our gift to Neill's groomsman - black converse!

Then, all Neill had to do was wait for his blushing bride to appear for our first look. Did I leave him waiting long? You'll have to keep reading to find out!

[all photos by alix klingenberg]

Miller Time: The Girls Getting Ready

2010-07-10T22:31:00.000-05:00

A little behind? Catch up on what happened before this! I ran errands, we rehearsed, and we ate pizza.

I know the last few posts have been really text heavy, but now that we are entering "pro pics" territory I'm going to try and let the pictures do most of the talking!

Anyhoo, the morning of our wedding was slow and relaxed. Everything just sort of rolled along. I hung out with my bridesmaids, Heather Massa (hair & makeup), and Alix Klingenberg (photographer). Others were in and out - my mom and MIL both came for hair and makeup so I got to spend time with each of them. Plus, the wonderful Morgan of Luxe Events was around. I also got the pleasure of meeting my niece for the very first time! If no one has said it before, I'll say it now - holding a baby on your wedding day is good luck! But even with all the people around, it was very chill. At least, I was feeling relaxed and if others weren't, they had the good sense not to tell me.

happy bride!

Grace getting her makeup did

You always read that it is SOOOO important to eat on your wedding day. And I agree. I mean - really, I think its important to eat everyday. but whatever. and I can say that I don't think I've ever "lost my appetite" before this, but that morning nothing sounded appetizing. I wasn't expecting that. During planning I thought I might want a sandwich from the corner bakery around the corner and I even asked Cathy to come with a list of lunch possibilities, but that morning I couldn't excited about eating anything. But don't worry - with much encouragement from my loving ladies, I managed to choke down some french fries and half a PB&J. Ahh room service.

feed me a fry!

mother and daughter

look at that poof! oh man i loved my hair!

For those of you interested in the time line - it went like this - Heather came at 9ish and the beautification started. Alix came at noon and the modeling started. To take my mind of things, I had the movie Date Night playing in the background and I just trusted that others would keep me on track. Really - I don't think I checked the time once!

Come back soon to find out what the boys were up to all morning and whether my laid back attitude was a good idea!

[All photos by Alix Klingenberg]

Miller Time: The Rehearsal Dinner

2010-07-09T10:07:00.000-05:00

Want to read what happened first?

I ran errands and then we rehearsed.

After finally getting my hands on the cupcakes for our rehearsal dinner, it was time to head back to the hotel and RELAX. I knew that there was a ton of family that I should have been talking to, but I seriously needed some time to breathe. So, that is what I did. I sat on the couch in my humongous sitting room area and let the time go by. At around 5:30 I started to get ready so that I could be in the lobby by 6:00. I didn't quite know where anyone else was at this point, but I figured I'd see them soon enough since our rehearsal dinner was scheduled for 6:30 at Gino's East Pizzeria.

Since it is only two blocks away from the hotel, the informal plan was for people to meet in the lobby and walk over together. Once I got down to the lobby it was family central! My dad was there, my aunts and uncles, cousins, and all of neill's family too! It was sort of just a big cluster of people and I just didn't know what to do with myself! Part of me felt like I should be introducing people, but I was already so overwhelmed that I just sort of sat back and let people do their thing. Because it was a relatively large group (~40 people), it was too difficult to organize everyone leaving at once. So people starting started to trickle out and I waited. Unfortunately, Neill left with his family and I stayed behind at the hotel. I didn't like being separated :(

After what seemed like forever, I finally started to leave and after making it a block I realized I left the freaking cupcakes sitting in my hotel room!!!!! Arg. This is why a bride should not be in charge of making sure the dessert arrives! If I had been smart, I would have asked someone else to go get them. People will do stuff for a bride that they won't normally do. Might as well take advantage of it! But instead, I ran back to pick them up. Minutes later, there I was - walking down the street with three boxes of cupcakes towering in my hands and late to my own rehearsal dinner. Ooops. At least I had yummy yummy yummy delicious deep dish pizza to look forward too!

nom nom nom

We picked Gino's East because we wanted something (a) casual, (b) near the hotel, and (c) delicious. This happens to be Neill's favorite pizza place so it worked out perfectly! I really couldn't recommend Gino's East more. They have their events down to a science so we didn't have to worry about anything. Somehow even the seating worked out! For some reason it never crossed my mind to think about how the tables were going to be arranged. Luckily for us, it worked out perfectly. There were three long tables and my family sat at one, neill's family sat at another, and all the youngings filled up the third. Whew. Glad my nonplanning worked out!

Neill with his co-bestmen at Gino's

Unfortunately, I was SO exhausted and overwhelmed that I couldn't really enjoy the party. It's not that I had a bad time, I just didn't have a fabulous time. I feel like a real bridal brat for saying that, but hey - it's the truth. I just wanted to be in bed. ha. I didn't even have much of an appetite (which NEVER happens to me) so I just had one or two small squares of thin crust. Pizza fail. I was happy though that people seemed to like the cupcakes!

The only picture I could find of Neill and I at the rehearsal dinner

The highlight of the rehearsal dinner for me was getting to make our mark on Gino's East. You make have noticed in some of the pictures above that there is writing all over the walls. That's because Gino's East lets you tag as much as you want! I should have remembered to bring a sharpe with me, but our super friendly waiter kindly loaned us his.

Neill and I signing our names

Close up of what we wrote

After all of that hubub it was time to head back to the hotel. For some reason I ended up walking home alone - I swear I have no memory of how that happened! I must have just been really ready to get going :) No worries though - people soon congregated in my room. Look how tired Neill and I both look!

Neill with two of his brothers

Me with my two 'maids

After the most unflattering pictures ever were taken, it was time to call it a night! I had trouble sleeping on Thursday night, so my aunt gave me an ativan to take so that I could be well rested. Let me tell you - that stuff is the BOMB. It didn't make me loopy or drowsy, it just made me feel like I didn't have a care in the world! And with that, I drifted off into ativan dreams of ponies and unicorns.

Coming up next - getting ready to get hitched!

Miller Time: The Rehearsal

2010-07-07T11:08:00.000-05:00

Want to catch up? Before this, we ran last minute errands.

The rehearsal was scheduled for 2:30 on Friday. This was supposed to give us plenty of time to get our errands done in the morning, rehearse before Volo had to set up for dinner service, then get back to the hotel to rest and change before the rehearsal dinner. Because Volo is a pretty nontraditional space to have a ceremony, we wanted to honor that and not do the whole big processional. Just Neill's two best man, my two ladies, and us. No ushers. No flower girls. No Grandparents. No parents. Just us. To be honest, this was in part because I just wanted to keep it simple and stress-free. People come. People sit down. I didn't want to have to orchestrate some huge processional in our little tiny courtyard. It just didn't fit. So anyways - this meant that the only people at the rehearsal were the bridal party (all four of them), neill, myself, our wedding coordinator, and Volo's event coordinator. Great. This should be easy . . . right?

bhahahaha how naive I was.

First thing upon arrival, Morgan (one of the wedding coordinators) informs me that Kathleen (the other wedding coordinator, not present) has the flu and will not be able to work our wedding. Gulp. This whole process we have always met with both of them and each one was going to do specific tasks the day of the wedding. For example, it was going to be Kathleen who accompanied us during pictures to keep us on time and transport the huge balloons. The fact that we were down a man worried me juuuust a little. Morgan did a wonderful job assuring me that things would be just fine, but I swear I saw a little fear in her eyes!

Plus - and I'm an awful person for saying this and I really really really love Morgan and Kathleen buuuuuut - I sort of don't believe the whole flu story. I have absolutely no reason to believe that they would lie. They were not flaky one bit throughout planning, but Kathleen had just gotten married two weeks prior and I just had this little inkling that maybe she was away on her honeymoon or just holed up with her new hubby and refusing to come out. Anyways - I don't begrudge her one bit. I'm just glad that Morgan was around! She always struck me as the more "let's get down to business" one of the duo anyhow.

After that hurdle, we had to unload all of the stuff. What stuff you ask? Every little detail that went into our wedding. Bird figurines, decorative stones, signs, gust book, pens, mason jars, little blue eggs, a card box, a cake topper, a cake stand (that ended up being too small - whoops!), the favors, lanterns, the ketubah, the easel for the ketubah, and the mamma of all things - the huppah! It was a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff that would later have to be repacked up and transported home.

Then, we tackled the huppah. Namely - where it would go. During our two walk throughs at Volo we had always talked with the owner rather vaguely about the huppah going "over there", while pointing to a pretty corner of the courtyard. The idea was that we'd angle the huppah so that the most number of people could get a good view. But, when we actually had the huppah in position it was clear that this plan was not going to work out. The corner was just too small! Can you hear the bridal meltdown brewing? I felt a bit mislead by the people at Volo who had given us the impression they had done this a million times, but I was most upset that our bridal party wouldn't be able to stand up with us during the ceremony. I had always pictured each one of them standing by a huppah pole, symbolically holding the huppah up. But, there was just no way that all four of them would be able to fit.

The images in my head, from a practical wedding

This is when bridal meltdown #2 started. I was hot and sweaty. I was being told that there was just no way that my two best friends in the whole world could stand with me on my wedding day and I just couldn't hold back the tears. Through the whole planning process I always imagined having them right next me. I didn't expect to have to make that compromise. So I cried. And sulked. And then gave up. I remember excusing myself to try and pull myself together and Grace came to help me out. She asked me what I really wanted. I could tell that if I told her that I wanted her up there with me, she would have fought with the coordinators to make that happen. But, I just didn't have the energy. Writing this now, it still makes me a little sad. I wish I hadn't just trusted that everything would fit. I wish I had taken the time to measure the space. I wish that I had just a bit more energy to invest in trying out different huppah arrangements that day. But, I think mainly I have these wishes because on the actual day of our wedding the huppah ended up getting set up in a less than ideal way. We'll talk about that later, though.

During the rehearsal we also figured out how to work our ipod with Volo's sound system and coordinated with Morgan on when to play our before ceremony mix and the processional song. Neill also tested out some angels for his flip cams, which he used to film the ceremony. By this time, however, I was already stressed out and angry and so I'm pretty sure I said more than one but less than ten mean things to him. Sorry, hunny!

Our rehearsal ended up running late and we didn't get out of there till around 4. It could have been worse - but with all of the different things we had to do it was pretty overwhelming. Unfortunately, after that I still had one more errand to run - I had to pick up the cupcakes for the rehearsal dinner. Why oh why didn't I ask someone else to do this? Who knows. I thought it would be no big deal. But when I was standing in the slowest moving line ever at the Alliance Bakery that had NO air conditioning and all I wanted to do was scream at the top of my lungs IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW GIVE ME MY MOTHERFUCKING CUPCAKES SO I CAN GET OUT OF THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLACE AND GET THE MOTHERFUCKING SHOW ON THE ROAD it started to seem like a big deal.

Thankfully, I had (what was supposed to be) a fun night ahead of me! Check back to read about the rehearsal dinner.

Miller Time: Last Minute Errands

2010-07-06T15:15:00.000-05:00

The Friday before the wedding was a strange mix of excitement, disbelief, and stress. On one hand, I was completely excited that our wedding was coming up SO SOON but, on the other hand, I was still worried about a few things. What was on my mind? I was nervous about the weather. As I mentioned previously (here and here), the forecast was not looking good. Every weather site I checked predicted thunderstorms, humidity, and temperatures in the mid 90s. The last thing I wanted was be a sweaty rained on mess on my wedding day!

Anyhoo, Friday started out bright and early. I had started packing for the wedding weekend on Wednesday and so by Friday morning I was all ready to go. My maid of honor, Grace, picked me up around 9:30 and I loaded my wedding dress, veil, clothes for the brunch and rehearsal dinner, jewelry, shoes, toiletries, snacks, and lots of umbrellas into the car. We drove to the Allerton Hotel to check in and drop everything off. We wanted to get there early because the Blackhawks were set to have a parade only a few blocks away from our hotel to celebrate their Stanley Cup win just a few hours later. While I was excited that Chicago won, I was worried that all the added people downtown would put a serious kink in our plans! I mean really - who wants to get stuck in that traffic?

look at that crowd!

While I had previously cleared it with the Allerton that I would check in early, when we got there the front desk informed me that it would not be possible. In fact, according to them - someone was currently staying in my room. Cue bridal meltdown number one of the day. What did she mean I couldn't check in? I just confirmed it! No I cannot wait. And NO I don't want to leave you with my wedding dress to keep behind the desk until the room is ready. I was seriously about to lose it. The tears were coming. I had to walk away from the desk and speak loudly about how incompetent the staff were. I have to add, that the lady giving me all this grief was named Princess. For some reason, this made me even angrier. Thankfully, before things came to blows (and they would have come to blows. Although I bet Princess fights dirty) my amazing contact at the Allerton appeared and the situation was quickly remedied.

Once I saw the size of my room, I figured that the few moments are stress were totally worth it! The room was huge! When you walked in there was a large sitting area with couches. Then, through a door was a bedroom and bathroom. They really hooked me up!

After dropping everything off in the bridal suite, we headed to Party City to get my balloons blown up. Since catching a few pictures of the big round balloon around the wedding blogosphere, I knew I wanted to use them as props in our photos.

What I didn't quite realize was just how big a 36 inch balloon is relative to the space in a car. Ooops! Thankfully, the day before my wedding coordinators, Luxe Events, had suggested I come up with a good plan on how to transport those babies. We fit some of the balloons in my maid of honor's car and the rest went into my bridesmaid's car. If those two ladies hadn't been willing to drive around with their back window completely filled with balloons, I don't know what I would have done!

At this point, the awful traffic we were expecting never materialized (wedding miracle #1) and so we had time to stop at my maid of honor's house and lounge for a bit. It was nice to just be able to relax :) After the quick stop, we headed over to get our nails done. Erica and Miriam met us there too! I got talked into trying a no-chip manicure, which I would seriously recommend! I was very skeptical, but it did last for quite a long time and it was worth the extra ten bucks.

After our nails dried, it was time to run over to Volo for our 2:30 rehearsal. Check back soon to read about bridal meltdown #2 and the actual rehearsal dinner!

I'm baaaack!

2010-06-28T20:47:00.000-05:00

hello there! long time no speak. i've missed you! i'm sorry i've been gone so long, but i was busy doing some sorta important things like getting married (!!!!) and enjoying a glorious 11 night honeymoon in negril. i've blogged off and on about our wedding for a year and a half. so - it is only fitting that i take some time to say goodbye to my wedding. so what does this mean? recaps! painfully detailed recaps decorated with beautiful photographs. i want to do this for two reasons. firstly, i'd like to document the whole shebang for myself. i find that if i don't write things down, they escape me. in twenty years or so, i think it will be nice for neill and me to be able to look back and read a complete narrative of our wedding. secondly, i want a chance to revel in the wonderfulness of the day and share the joy with all of you!

but

i can't recap just quite yet. because really, what would recaps be without our pictures? nothing. thats what. so the recaps will begin once i get our pro-photos. i promise you, they are worth the wait. don't believe me? see a teaser after the jump!

[all photos by Alix Klingenberg]

Getting My MRS Degree

2010-06-10T08:20:00.000-05:00

So the big day is almost here! I don't have much to say except that I'm genuinely excited and starting to feel like a "bride". Or rather, I'm starting to feel like myself as a bride. On Monday I was in Nordstroms and I told one of the sales associates, hesitantly, "I'm getting married this weekend". It felt new. Like trying on a new piece of clothing. It didn't belong to me - yet. It was so fun to say that I basically worked it into every conversation I could after that. Something about speaking it aloud really started to make me feel like a bride, not just some one planning a wedding.

Anyways, now I'm basically just screaming from the rooftops I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!! I don't even care that it is going to be hot as fuck and rainy. Nope. Because you know why? I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't care whether or not everything runs smoothly. You know why? I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't even care that we'll probably have to take pictures inside. Neill and I are going to MARRIED (in case you didn't get that) and that means we'll be in photos together for the rest of our lives. (swoon)

The next few days are going to be quite busy and then Neill and I are leaving for our honeymoon, so this might be my last real post as a fiance.The official end of wedding planning posts. I don't think I'm 100% ready to give up wedding talk on this blog though. My bestie doesn't know this yet, but I'm going to ask her to write some posts about her experience of wedding planning. Eeee! I'm already excited! And now she can't say no because its already on the internet. HA.

Anyhoo, planning this wedding has been awesome. and I'm so glad that I've had this blog to document all of my thoughts and ideas. A bit thank you to my fifteen readers for being interested in my (largely unedited) ramblings. Even though most of you never comment, I appreciate knowing that someone out there is digesting what I just thought.

Digest this - I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tear of . . . Joy(?)

2010-06-06T08:19:00.000-05:00

because i have no shame and i like to tell you everything, i'm going to be completely honest about how freakin coocoo i've been lately. yesterday, i think i cried five or six times.

meltdown # 3 (because I know that there were tears shed earlier in the day): Passport drama. We have passports. They are up to date and we've used them in recent years. So, when Neill's travel agent aunt asked us if we had our passports sorted out we both nodded and congratulated ourselves for being so prepared. Come yesterday, WHERE THE FUCK IS MY PASSPORT??? (Said at a very high decibel with tears and door slamming). Neill found his passport. I could not find mine. This was obviously Neill's fault. I retreat to bedroom, empty sock and underwear drawer, still can't find passport, crawl into bed and resign myself to the fact that I've ruined our honeymoon. This was actually the time that I got up to yell at Neill for not helping me find my passport. He finds it. I'm relieved and feeling silly for yelling so incredibly loud and using the f word. Neill wipes away my tears and "shhhs" me and says nice things like "you're under a lot of stress". I give Neill my passport to hold on to - on the wedding rings.

meltdown #5: The gym. I go to gym. Man behind counter says I look calm for being one week ago. I confide in him that I've already cried many times. He seems uncomfortable. Why did I overshare? Now he probably thinks I don't want to get married. My face gets red and I go upstairs. On elliptical. Think that working out will help me calm down. weather report comes on tv. I cry. I regain composure. Back to working out. Start thinking about my dad walking me down the aisle (which he isn't, but I'm imagining if he was) and I cry. I hope lady next to me thinks I'm just sweating.

Meltdown #4 was about the Welcome Letters. But Neill wised up and gave me my way, so that was only a minor meltdown. Although I think I did lay on the bedroom floor for a few moments trying to regain composure.

don't i sound like an awesome human being? haha. no. whatevs.

Meltdown #1 and 2 were probably about the weather. i've shed more than enough tears for the words "hot", "humid", and "thunderstorms". mentioned to my mom that it might rain, she admitted that she has been checking the weather. i couldn't believe she knew and was being so sweet as to not stress me out about it. i know its something small, but i just thought that was the most loving thing.

goal of today? no meltdowns.

Windy City Rollers Bachelorette Party

2010-06-04T21:09:00.000-05:00

The first stop for my bachelorette party? A roller derby game! At half time, I was even asked to take a picture with the team. I think my sash and veil caught some one's attention :)

me, grace, and the chicago red hots!

We even got moved down to court side seats after this was snapped! The game was actually my favorite part of the whole night. I loved the the beer, potent rum punch, nachos, good friends, and watching the ladies kick ass.

Inspecting The Hair From All Sides

2010-06-02T08:31:00.000-05:00

I cannot muster up any more words on hair and makeup. To get caught up, read about what my hair inspiration was HERE.

Close up of the back & front, soon after it was done.

These pictures were taken by Neill at about 6 o'clock and the only think I touched up was my lip gloss. Yay for staying power.

Overall, I really liked it. It felt sooo secure, which was one one my major concerns. My only thought is that maybe I'd want it more to the side. When pictures were taken straight on, you could barely see the side poof. I don't want pictures of just my big round head. Something like this (pictures from here)

See how sidey that looks?

Anyways. I don't want to talk any more about this. I just can't stand to spend another minute thinking about what my hair is going to look like. Frankly, I look like crapola most everyday so anything will be an improvement!

It's Like Rain On Your Wedding Day

2010-06-01T08:30:00.000-05:00

Thank to Neill for providing me a great memorial weekend post (that had absolutely nothing to do with memorial day!). My google analytics tells me that posting a link to a blog post on facebook brings in lots and lots more readers.

Anyhoo, now we are just back to lil' ol' me and my crazy bridal brain. I can't wait to have my normal brain back. These past few days have been BAD. The combination of getting my period, the hellish heat, and being so close to the wedding is just a recipe for bitch alisha to roar her ugly head. And damn. I've been roaring.

The latest tantrum occurred on Sunday, when I realized it could very possibly rain on our wedding. At that point, the weather was forecasting scattered thunderstorms for the days leading up the wedding. Well, technically, the 10 day forecast only went up to four days before the wedding, but that was enough for me to fly off my rocker. I'm not proud of this, but I sobbed for probably an hour. And told Neill that if it rained I wasn't going to go the wedding because it was POINTLESS and it would all be RUINED. oh yes. I'm insane.

Thankfully, I got my rain fears out of my system. My theory is that since I freaked out about rain already, I won't be nearly as bothered about it on the day of. As of now the forecast is looking a lot less rainy, but the temperature keeps going up each time I look at it.

Please God, if you're there, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't let it be hot and humid on my wedding day. PLEASE???? Obv I only pray about the most important things. Luckily, I've got my maid of honor and her mother praying to the weather gods too. I swear those ladies have a direct line to the mister himself so I feel a little safer.

When I sat down I was planning to write yet another post about my hair, but I guess this post will just be about the weather - the most interesting topic that everyone wants to read about, RIGHT???

Planning The Bachelor Party: A Husband To Be's Story

2010-05-29T15:18:00.000-05:00

Hey, I'm Neill. I'm not much of a party planner unless I'm the host of the party, and in truth, it's been several years since I've thrown a bonafide shindig. For my bachelor party, I assumed it was expected that it was planned by the best men or others involved. I'm not entirely sure why I assumed that, but my only experiences with bachelor parties in the past were more or less planned out before I knew about them (even though I was the best man for one of them ... hrm ...). But needless to say, I wasn't involved in any kind of planning in that capacity ... likely for the better ;-)

My awesome best men (Tom and James) waited until near the last minute for getting all of the details together. Not to knock them for delaying their planning though -- it was more like they shot ideas around and I was single-handedly so incredibly indecisive that they didn't put their feet down until the week of the event to tie together all of the loose ends. Thank jeebus for them really. If I had it my way, I would have just stayed home and drank beer all day. Not because that's what I imagine a good bachelor party being, but because I'm so easy to please sometimes. I think at any given time I've got enough worries on my mind that when it comes time to plan something that should be a lot of fun, I tend to just go with the flow and not sweat the details. In my experience, if you want to have a good time, a good time will be had -- particularly in good company.

Anyway, I shot down a ton of fun ideas including the following: skydiving, whitewater rafting, renting motor cross bikes/4 wheelers/dune buggies, a booze cruise, go carts, whirly ball, lazer tag, a segway tour, dave and busters, etc. My best men shot down checking out the Windy City Rollers (Chicago Roller Derby) solely on the basis that Alisha and her crew were going to be there. C'est le vie. Oh, and I've never really been comfortable at strip clubs, so that was a no-brainer. Not that I hadn't read about what goes on in them (*wink wink*), but it's just not my cup of tea. And they smell like strippers ... kind of like new car scent or something, but with a latex dashboard. So I heard.

In the end, James and Tom decided that we were going to a White Sox game during the day and dinner in the evening, followed by drinks. I enjoy sporting events, but in my ~15 years living in Chicago, I had been to exactly 1 Cubs game, 1 White Sox game, and 1 Bulls game. I wasn't really sure what to expect since I hadn't seen the Sox in probably 9(?) years or so. Not following any sports doesn't help either. But I knew it would be a good time with a lot of my besties there. And that's the most important part.

Maybe next time I'll spill some details of the day, but I'm ok with that being private. I wonder who thought it would be a good idea to have a guest post by me anyway?! :-P

I'll add one important thing that you probably don't know about me. I started an online journal many years ago for the SOLE purpose of sharing the mundane things during the day. Highlights include eating a sandwich, doing laundry, going to band practice, etc. Then I discovered twitter. With twitter, I can describe all the boring things in MUCH less time. So now I can tweet about sandwiches and band practice.

So all of this could have wasted far less time if I was allowed to tweet it cause it would have been something like this: "can't decide what to do 4 bparty, but tom & james decided to go to a sox game, followed by dinner and drinks -- yay! everyone's happy!! :-D"

Follow me on twitter at: http://www.twitter.com/neillm

Planning A Bachelor Party In Chicago - The Groom's Side

2010-05-28T08:24:00.000-05:00

I am very excited to announce that Neill has agreed to write a guest post for us about his experience with having a bachelor party! As you know, I think Neill is just the bee's knees and I hope all of you do too! Check back tomorrow for the full monty.

Beauty Brigade

2010-05-26T20:49:00.000-05:00

A while ago, I mentioned that I got my hair and makeup done by the wonderfully talented and super sweet Heather Massa for my bridal shower. Today, we did the the wedding trial run. Well, let me tell you - Heather brought her A game! I cannot say enough good things about her. First, let me show you my hairspiration.

I must be having a thing for blondes right now :) I sent her these pictures and told her I wanted my hair to: (1) have volume up top, (2) be pinned off my neck, (3) have some texture/curl in it, (4) be off to the side in some sort of bun thing, and (5) be secure as hell. The last thing I need is a big gust of windy city wind blowing out the whole thing!

Here are blackberry pictures of what I ended up with! I apologize for the crummy pictures. It is very hard to take a good self-portrait with our big heavy camera!

I luuurve it! Looking back at the inspiration pictures above, I think it resembles the picture of Amanda Seyfried, but to the left. While I love the look of the messy side bun a la mischa barton , I also know myself well enough to know that (a) I'd worry and obsess about whether or not my hair was falling out and (b) if it is hot I don't want a single strand of hair to touch my neck. So, I think I sacrificed some loosey goosey hippie chic style for a more coiffed look. But, the piece of mind is worth it. Plus, I really can't overstate just how freaking windy it gets by the lake here in Chicago. Like blow your skirt up, umbrella inside out, leaves whipping around in circles windy. I think this style can stand up to the winds though. Heather used about a million bobby pins and TON of hairspray. About 10 hours later, and it has barely moved.

Mission accomplished!

When Neill got home from work I had him take some better pictures of me, but I'm still waiting for him to send them my way. I'll post them as soon as I get them :)

Free Photography!

2010-05-25T08:41:00.000-05:00

Our lovely and talented photographer, Alix Klingenberg, is hosting a photography giveaway contest. The winner will receive 5 free hours of coverage for their wedding or commitment ceremony in 2011! You can find all the details here. Good luck!

Still Alive

2010-05-23T18:08:00.000-05:00

I survived my bachelorette party! I had such a great time - it was seriously more than i could have ever asked for. I plan to write a proper recap of the whole event and I'm also going to ask Neill to write a guest post or two on his bachelor party.

Interestingly, today I feel more confident and ready to commit to marriage than I did before. It is like making is through this right of passage or participating in this debaucherous tradition has somehow made me more confident that I can truly and genuinely commit myself to Neill.

Hope everyone had a great weekend! I look forward to sharing more details of the party with you!

Bachelorette Party!

2010-05-21T19:08:00.000-05:00

it is finally here! my bachelorette party is tomorrow! while i tend to get a little anxious having all of the attention on me, i am really excited for tomorrow. there will be roller derby, hamburgers, drinks in fishbowls, and dancing (lots and lots of dancing). i'm not a big drinker so i am a little nervous about going overboard and peeking too early, but i've warned my maid of honor to keep an eye on me! i want to be in this for the long haul. that probably means no shots for me - or at least only one or two girly shots - and lots of yummy food to soak up the booze. i'm also probably be drinking my fair share of red bull so i can keep my booty shaking and my eyes open.

neill will also be having his bachelor party tomorrow. i'm so glad that we managed to do them on the same night. this way, neither one of us has to sit at home and wonder what the other one is doing. i think having my bachelorette party to think about has made it easy to not worry about what neill might be doing. also, even though i do tend to be jealous, i trust him 100%. luckily, neill also happens to have some of the most awesome friends ever (only slightly less awesome than mine) and they are all good guys. i'm sure they will take good care of him.

for those who are curious - they are not going to a strip club. neill has been to them before and i've never been bothered by it so i was totally fine* with them going, but neill wasn't interested. however, this might be because the only full nudity strip club in chicago doesn't serve alcohol, not because he doesn't want to get a lap dance from a complete stranger :) apparently, booze > boobs.

by this time tomorrow night we will both be partying up with our crew! i can't wait to rehash the night on sunday over brunch.

Clean Machine

2010-05-21T08:21:00.000-05:00

Remember when I was complaining about all of the stuff that has built up in our apartment? i was fighting some serious demons. All I wanted to do was sort, organize, and donate anything and everything that we didn't absolutely need. The problem? Not all of the stuff was mine to decide on.

Well Neill has really pulled through! I came home yesterday to find our office cleaner and more organized than it has been in quite some time. Not only did he spiff up his desk, but he tackled THE CLOSET. I know. Right? It's pretty effin amazing. Clothes are hung up and organized. Guitars are stacked. the floor is vacummed. the surfaces dusted. and there actually appears to be some extra space now.

I'm so proud of him for choosing to part with a few things he's been holding on to and moving the rest down to storage*. does he know how to make me happy or what?

*oh storage space. what a blessing and a curse you are. im thankful that i don't have to deal with all of the stuff in our apartment, but i'm already afraid of having to go through everything we've stashed down there come move time.

Nightmare part 2

2010-05-20T08:59:00.000-05:00

thankfully, i haven't had another wedding nightmare. but, last night i had a really unsettling dream that i couldn't get out of my head.

it is all sort of blurry now (damn elusive dreams) but it had something to do with a terrorist attack. there had been a bombing and some sort of invasion and I was scared. We were living in what seems to be a big communal apartment building because my mom was there and i think my aunt was in the dream too. for some reason having to do with the invasion, i felt like we all had to stay in this one particular room and shouldn't travel around to the other apartments. but, we had evacuated quickly and so no one had their clothes or other things with them. i remember wanting to go back and get an extra pair of pants, but being worried that it was too dangerous. my mom, on the other hand, wanted to. she also wanted to go over to someone's house and do yoga with them. i remember in the dream someone (my aunt?) asking me if i was angry that my mom was planning on doing these things and i said yes. but, i think i was more afraid. aaaand that's all i can remember.

wedding nightmare

2010-05-15T10:20:00.000-05:00

I had a wedding related nightmare last night. It felt like the bad dream lasted all night. I kept waking up and trying to shake the bad thoughts out of my mind, but then when I drifted back to sleep I ended up in the same wedding hell. The dream is kind of fuzzy, but from what I remember out wedding was happening at the same place and time as some kind of Renaissance festival. While I think the ceremony went okay, after the ceremony we went outside and got mixed up with this festival. There were a lot of people and so it was impossible to find the wedding guests. I was alone and looking for people. Our reception was supposed to take place inside, but like only a few people had successfully made it there. Everyone else didn't know where they were supposed to be and had gotten sort of "lost" outside in the festival. I remember running around looking for our photographer and stressing out that I couldn't find her. I also remember running into Neill, who was enjoying a beer with his friends Nic and Tom. I was relieved to have found them, but also annoyed that they were hanging outside and enjoying the festival instead of going to our reception.

that's pretty much all i can remember. interestingly, i had a wedding nightmare a while ago with a similar situation (not being able to find people).

What do you think it means?

thats a no-no

2010-05-14T09:29:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday, Neill and I took my wonderful amazing mother out for dinner to celebrate Mother's Day. Because we can be little piggies, we also used it as an excuse to try the "new" restaurant across the street from us - mado. (We still call it the new restaurant because we had never been there, but I'm pretty sure it has been open for about a year already). The food was great! My favorite dishes were the antipasti we got for the table - I love grazing through a meal! But, the entrees were really good too. Neill and I both got the hanger steak with gorgonzola polenta and my mom tried the wood grilled rainbow trout. For dessert, the three of us split a flan with a chocolate cake layer and a vanilla malt cake with boozy icing. Overall, we all enjoyed the meal and agreed that we would come back.

However, there was one seriously distracting element to the whole meal - one of the waittresses was walking around with her butt crack hanging out ALL night. It was insane. Her jeans were so low and so tight I don't think she could have pulled them up even if she had wanted to. That quarter inch of crack was a permanent installment. This was only accentuated by the super-short shirt she was wearing! We could see her belly button! Now, I promise that I am no prude and I actually rather like it when servers dress casually, but this was just too much for me. I could not get over it. I was actually tempted to say something to our waitress about it. I mean - I can only assume that this women was unaware she was flashing everyone. Doesn't she deserve a heads up? Wouldn't you want to be told?

It was just bizarre.

But, the food was delicious! Neill and I are thinking about signing up for one of their pig butchering classes. The chef demonstrates how to butcher a pig, while teaching you how to use each part. The best part? You get to take some home with you!

work it girl

2010-05-13T09:25:00.000-05:00

The one wedding blog I have been truly, truly truly addicted to since getting engaged is Wedding Bee. I don't know why I feel the need to check it at least five times a day, but I do. I get attached to their bloggers. I can't help it. Most of the posts are related to wedding planning (e.g. flowers, dresses, choosing a caterer, music selection, invitations, etc.,), but once in a while someone writes a really good post about relationships. Just this morning one of the newest bloggers (miss seahorse - yes they all have weird nicknames) wrote a really lovely post about her relationship with her fiancee. (and i quote)

We have had so much fun, and we have supported each other through heartbreak, through depression, through big decisions. We have learned how to talk to each other, how to listen to each other and to ourselves, and how to be a family. We are always doing the work.

Marrying her, I expect, will always be work. It is work planning this wedding; it is work discussing and deciding what we want our marriage to be. It is work when it is not about the wedding or the marriage, but whose turn it is to walk the dog or clean the litter boxes. It is work in many little ways and some big ways and all of this work is so worth it.

I love this in so many ways. I think that there is a myth (in the US? In pop culture? In Chicago? I have no idea where it originates) that relationships are supposed to be easy. The myth goes hand in hand with love at first sight, maybe. That whole idea that if this person just doesn't automatically get me that this must not be the real deal. The " this partner is no good because I actually have to work at communicating my needs to them" mentality. If someone is operating under these expectations, how will they ever be happy?

On the total flip side - there is another myth that relationships are supposed to be hard, especially for heterosexual women. This is the "no man ever wants to commit", "he is just playing hard to get", and/or "I (the woman) am just being too needy" myth. I think this sort of thinking is just as detrimental as it promotes subjugating your own wants/needs. Plus, I think this sort of thinking leads lots of people to make excuses for partners who are acting like a-holes.

Anyways, I think that the quote above is an example of a nice balance between the work and the good stuff. And I'm pretty sure that the work is at least part of the good stuff.

free time!

2010-05-10T10:48:00.000-05:00

ahh remember when I was complaining about the hells of graduate school? I was so unhappy and all I could think about was my summer of freedom?

well

im going crazy with all this free time.

I've had enough of this life of leisure.

I need some structure!

I thought going through the closets and getting rid of everything we don't need anymore would keep me busy, but i'm already mostly finished! (two full trashbags of stuff so far, thank you very much!).

this is bad. very bad.

right now i'm contemplating going on to campus i'm so bored. do i need to? not really. but the commute will kill two hours and I'm sure I can find something to work on there for a couple of hours.

rescue me!

diet

2010-05-09T14:00:00.000-05:00

this is just a little note on diets. i've heard some really crazy diet advice, but you know what I've always found to be one of the most absurd pieces of advice?

the idea that a small handful of almonds is a filling (ha) midday snack. you know what is filling? a cheeseburger with fries. one ounce of almonds, on the other hand, is not filling. not one bit.

and i'm pretty sure we could all agree on that. but, then why is gweneth paltrow recommending that we all eat A SMALL handful of almonds to "hold us over" until dinner. Of course, this is the same crazy biotch that recommends a glass of almond milk with nutrition powders mixed in for breakfast. of course you need energy powder mix ins GP, you aren't eating anything!

end rant.

bridesmaid dresses

2010-05-08T16:36:00.000-05:00

This morning, I ordered my bridesmaid dress for my bestie's wedding this coming October. I luuuurrrvvveeee it! Check it:

{image via bary jay}

Mine will be long and flowy, like the girl to the right, and in a heather gray color (called shadow). Grace did such a good job picking out her dresses - I'm so excited to wear it! I'll probably wear my hair up and a blingy bracelet, like the model. Now, to figure out shoes . . . I'll probably end up with a practical, black heel, but wouldn't it be fun to wear something like this?

{j crew}

Flower Power

2010-05-07T09:21:00.000-05:00

waking up to beautiful pictures is good for your health. I'm pretty sure its been proven. somewhere.

(all images via EAD)

Kitchen Kink

2010-05-05T13:01:00.000-05:00

(source)

This will be my kitchen one day.

binge and purge

2010-05-03T19:09:00.000-05:00

Now that finals are winding down and I have a bit more time to relax around the house, I've started to notice just how much stuff has built up in our apartment. Neill is definitely the hoarder of the relationship and I've left him largely unchecked this year. I've known about his ever growing pile of stuff in his closet, but usually I just try and not think about it as even the idea of it stresses me out. Maintaining ignorance was relatively easy when I was gone most of the day and spending weekends doing homework, but after just a few short days at home all of this stuff is driving me crazy! And it isn't just Neill - my closet has somehow become a breeding ground of unused/unworn paraphernalia. Neill and I agreed that after the wedding, our packed closets of doom will get cleaned out. I can't wait to purge our lives of unneeded things!

saturday night live

2010-05-01T21:14:00.000-05:00

so here i am, just sitting on the couch innocently writing my thank you notes for the bridal shower and bam - i get all sentimental about the wedding coming so soon. According to my nifty wedding countdown, there are only 41 days left until neill and i get married. And while I can't wait to actually be married, I may or may not be getting a little misty eyed over how fast these next few weeks are bound to go by. wedding planning has, on a whole, been a wonderfully fun adventure. It was actually quite an experience to let myself fantasize about completely frivolous details and gush over all the wedding cutesyness out there in wedding blog world. And soon all of that will be over. For better or for worse, this wedding has been on my mind for more than a year. It developed residency in my brain and, honestly, I'll miss it once it moves out.

So.

Note to self: Enjoy every single last minute of wedding planning.

the final count down

2010-04-27T17:21:00.000-05:00

Even though I'm semi-over wedding planning, I couldn't help myself when I saw this super easy to use countdown tool. See? I've added it to the right hand side of the screen. ------------------>

I may take it down if it begins to stress me out. But, right now I'm trying to remind myself that it is also the countdown to our AWESOME HONEYMOON. 10 days of sun and a perpetually stocked mini-fridge. How could I not be psyched about that?

toast with butter

2010-04-25T21:50:00.000-05:00

The closer and closer our wedding gets, the less and less I have any interest in reading wedding blogs. So you got engaged? Been there, done that. Writing about your bridesmaid dress search? We've already got ours picked out. How to find a photographer? Wrote a post just like it six months ago. All the planning details just seem much less relevant to what is going on in my life.

Lately, I've found myself more attracted to blogs written by smart, witty women who write about life after the wedding. I'm not quite ready to stop following all of my wedding blogs just quite yet, but I need to find replacements stat!

Right now, I'm digging:
www.thatwifeblog.com
www.omgmom.blogspot.com
www.teaandlaundry.com/

Suggestions?

(I also had toast with butter for dinner. hence the title)

(also. these blogs could either be a be a product or a cause of my baby dreams. i realize that. no need to point it out.)

Feelings Better

2010-04-23T22:31:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the super depressing post earlier today. Sometimes my life feels like this:

Thankfully, tonight I had a chance to destress. I went to workout and then met up with some of my classmates for a couple of hours. It was nice to take a night off and just shoot the shit. Plus, the ice cream cone from McDonalds didn't hurt :) Now I'm wrapped in a blanket and vegging in front of the boob tube. It is glorious! While tomorrow I've got to wake up bright and early and writereadwritewriteanalyzedata for now I am just reeeelllllaaaaxxxxxiiiiiiinnnnggggg and catching up on episodes of 16 and Pregnant.

finals week hell

2010-04-23T07:46:00.000-05:00

you know those weeks where you are just filled to capacity? Not one more tiny little thing can possibly fit on your agenda because you don't have the time nor the mental energy to accommodate it? Yeah, that's where I am.

It has gotten to the point that after classes or lab meeting I find myself looking for a private corner to cry in. I'm just that mentally exhausted. I have no resources left.

I'm trying to pep myself up so that I can put the effort into this final sprint, but lord knows its rough. One week from today my life will be about a hundred times better. So for now, I'm just trying to make it till then.

Bridal Shower Beauty

2010-04-20T19:45:00.000-05:00

One of the fun things about my bridal shower this past Sunday is I got to get beautified before hand! Heather Massa came to my house at 9 am on the dot on Sunday morning and worked her magic! Because I've never even met Heather before this, I really wanted a chance to do a pre-trial before the actual bridal trial to make sure we meshed well. This was the perfect excuse! I am so glad I decided to go this route. Of course no one needs to get their hair and makeup professionally done for their bridal shower, but if I had to worry about whether or not I was going to like my hair and makeup on my wedding day this whole month I probably would have gone crazy. (and yes - i would have worried about it all month) So it was totally worth it to me! On the plus side, my FMIL got to meet her too and decided she wants to get her hair and makeup done for the wedding now! That's just how awesome Heather is :)

Because I love all of you and I have very little shame, I will post a before and after picture for y'all to marvel at.

This is tough to look at! I'm starting to doubt my decision to never wear makeup! I was *in love* with the way I looked after Heather was done. I probably would have stared at myself in the mirror for at least 30 minutes if we weren't in somewhat of a rush to leave.

So how did I get so done up? Well, first she curled and set my hair. Then, she did my make up. I think she used mostly MAC products. Then, finally, I twirled for the camera!

I'm usually not a girly-girl, but I could get used to this! I don't think I was the only one in love with my look either - Neill took quite a liking to it :) I think he told me I looked beautiful every minute. It's funny because I always thought Neill didn't like when I wore makeup, but now I realize he just doesn't like how it looks when I do my own makeup!!!

Anyhoo, after getting dolled up we loaded into the car and zipped over to the shower! I'll recap that part next!

(p.s. - not that you are wondering, but I wore this dress and loved it.)

finals

2010-04-19T22:43:00.000-05:00

so remember how i said that graduate school takes up about 80% of my time? well, during these next two weeks I'm expecting that number to jump up to about 98%. I'll pop in and update when I need to destress, but I'll probably mainly just be working away on papers and the like. check back though, because i have a wonderful bridal shower to fill you in on and lots of pictures to share!

Come July

2010-04-17T08:31:00.000-05:00

Come July, I will have had this blog for two years. Two whole wonderful years. Time flies! For someone who has never been able keep a diary longer than a few weeks, this is quite an accomplishment. To celebrate - I'm thinking of getting my own domain. Neil and I have our wedding website at www.neillandalisha.com and I could do something similar like www.whateverIwant.com.

The hard part?

Figuring out what should go in the "whateverIwant" space. I'd like it to be aesthetically pleasing and easy to say, type, and remember. And, it has to have at least some vague relationship to me and who I am! But, I don't want it to have any identifying information (i.e. alisha'sblog) or be too specific to anything going on in my life (i.e. "graduate school" is out*). I wouldn't mind if there was a reference to Chicago in it, because let's be honest - chi town raised me crazy. But, nothing too specific like "chicagoblog".

I've used "illpullout" as a vanity url since highschool for a few different sites now. (Gosh, I can't believe me and my friends used to actually use myspace. I doubly can't believe that I haven't deleted mine yet, since I probably go on about twice a year, if that.) But, I think I'm ready to try something new. I've used "aliiisha" also, but this would break my no-name rule.

So, what do you think? www.thisishowitgoes.com, just doesn't flow well. Any ideas?

*I tried to think of more words that were specific to my life. Then, I realized that graduate school probably takes up 80% of my life right now, with the other 20% devoted to wedding planning. le sigh.

wedding gift?

2010-04-16T09:05:00.000-05:00

It is official! We received our first wedding related gift in the mail yesterday - a heavy, medium sized box from Crate & Barrel. Yippeeeee! But now, what do we do? Should we open it? Do we wait until after the wedding?

I vote for open. If I sent someone a gift and then didn't get a thank you until a couple of months later, I might wonder whether or not the gift arrived at all. Plus, my wonderful bestie, Gracie, is hosting a bridal shower for me this weekend. I assume the gift was sent for that, but of course I can't be sure. Should I bring the box with me and open it at the shower?

I usually am a stickler for not preopening presents and would never dream of opening a birthday card/present before my actual birthday, so opening this early seems so . . . naughty. Don't even get me started on the idea of *using* whatever the item might before before we are officially married.

What are your thoughts? Should we rip into it right away or stuff it away until after the wedding?

Our Invitations

2010-04-14T20:48:00.000-05:00

If you've been paying attention, you know that we had a very difficult time deciding on invitations. I must have ordered fifteen different samples - all beautiful in their own way. I was in love with letterpress and sure that it was a must have splurge.

then I woke up and did the math.

once we decided that digital printing was the right route for us, i felt like i had to start the whole search over again! the search was taking so long, that before we realized it we had to order the invites ASAP. so, on somewhat of a whim I (we) made the final decision. Meet our lovelies:

Hello! Lucky was wonderful to work with and we couldn't be happier with how they turned out. I LOVE them!

Now, the RSVPs are starting to roll in and I get giddy every time I open our mailbox. It is like getting a present in the mail every single day!

Thankfully, we ordered matching thank you cards along with our invites so I won't ever have to worry about picking out the right paper products for our wedding ever again!

Oh life

2010-04-13T16:29:00.000-05:00

isn't it funny?

things have been awful and wonderful all at the same time.

you know how sometimes when someone asks you how things are going, you respond "i've been better"? Well, last night as I was trying to fall asleep, I started trying to figure out whether or not that response fit with my life right now.

have i really been better?

think about it.
it is easy to get caught up in the day to day annoyances of midterms and statistics quizzes and wedding planning and delayed buses and jimmy johns being out of white bread so you are forced to eat your sandwich on their not as delicious wheat bread and all the other little (and medium sized!) pains of the day. and by noticing all of that stuff, it is easy to start feeling like each day is just more annoying than the last*. But, I am happy to report that I have not in fact ever been better.

have you been better? if so, when (and how)?

*at least, it is easy to do this stuff if you are neurotic and prone to negative affect, like myself. if you are one of those happy go lucky people that isn't annoyed when you have to wait more than five minutes for the bus, good for you. go be happy somewhere else.

i'm an aunt!

2010-04-10T09:12:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I became a first-time aunt! My sister in law gave birth to a beautiful baby girl at 6:43 last night (6lb 3oz 18inches long). Neill and I both wish we could have been there to be part of the wonderfullness of it all, but unfortunately this sort of stuff is the downside to living far away from family. I love Chicago, but sometimes it blows :(

We got two pictures sent to us via text and I can't wait till I get more! She is all small and baby like with wrinkly big eyes. I just want to nuzzle my face to her and give her kisses.

[note: I'm not going to be posting pictures of her yet, because I think posting pictures of children on-line is a little weird without the expression permission of her parents. But, if they are okay with it than I'll share!]

wish me luck!

2010-04-08T09:40:00.000-05:00

I have two midterms due today. Wish me luck!

(and yes - to anyone who noticed - it is very late in the semester for midterms. finals are just around the corner!)

23: A year in review

2010-04-04T10:26:00.000-05:00

I love when I find old random posts on my blog that I had completely forgotten about! Like this gem right here! That is a post I wrote when I turned 23 in 2009. I set out some goals for myself and they were (and I quote):

Goals for 23?
Go back to school in some manner (please)
find happiness in the small moments (always)
treasure the people in my life (its only right)
grow more plants
and stop dressing like its 1995!

How did I do?

I am back in school. Check!

I think I do find more happiness in the small things and look for happiness wherever I can. Check!

Again, this one is hard to measure, but I think I am doing better at appreciating my VIPs. Check!

Definitely accomplished number four - our living room is like a forest! Check!

This last one makes me laugh - I think I'm still working on this. Case in point: the other day I wore a pair of jeans I bought from American Eagle at the end of my senior year in high school (2004). Thankfully I'm not wearing jeans from 1995, but now that I'm 24 it seems even more unacceptable to still wear clothing from high school. So . . . . no check.

please remind me

2010-04-03T10:22:00.000-05:00

Please remind me that i go through EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life without professionally done hair or makeup (or any makeup at all). every day i walk around just looking all normal and like me. Please remind me that I don't have to look like a movie star on my wedding day. i'm not walking the red carpet. i'm just getting married. yes, of course, i want to look extra beautiful that day - but finding a someone to do hair and makeup is not *that* important.

sigh.

can you tell i'm trying to convince myself here?

I'm getting married in 70 days and I have no one to do my hair or makeup. I thought at least I had hair, but I don't.

I will find someone. And it will be fine.

Even if it is not fine, it will be fine.

tips for success

2010-04-01T09:42:00.000-05:00

just do some ho shit.

[jezebel.com always has the best material]

Cue Freak Out

2010-03-30T11:08:00.000-05:00

O.M.G.

I will be getting married in 74 days.

74 small little tiny days.

And there is still sooooo much left to do.

According to the heart attack inducing theknot.com I have 116 to-dos left! Ack.

Chag Sameach!

2010-03-29T19:43:00.001-05:00

Happy Passover Everyone!!!

getting ready for passover

2010-03-28T10:33:00.000-05:00

this weekend has been such a treat - it's exactly what I needed! Besides just getting to relax and hang out with Neill, we've been getting ready for doing our first mini-seder. I say mini because we are celebrating by ourselves for the first night and, instead of just letting the night go by, we decided to try and make some of the traditional dishes and celebrate together!

passover is my absolute favorite holiday and so I'm extra excited to celebrate with neill. he's come to my family seder for the last four or five years, but this is the first time we are going to actually try and make a seder. So far we have everything we need- although, we are winging it on a few things. For example, we don't own our own seder plate or matzah plate yet, but I figure that having all the accessories isn't really the point of the holiday! We're also taking some help from the store on a few items. Even though I loved my grandma's homemade gefilte fish, we decided to go pre-made this time around :)

For food, we've got the matzah, gefilte fish (which I could eat all year round!), wine, egg, parsley, and horseradish. Although, jewel only had the white kind of horseradish and not the red stuff that i love. Last night we made the brisket, today I'm going to make the charoset, and monday we'll make the matzah ball soup and a vegetable.

We are going to use The Haggadah of Liberation, compiled by New Jewish Agenda (1984). We chose this one mainly because out of the three haddagahs I have, this is the most accessible one for those who don't know how to read Hebrew. (In case you are curious, the other two are The New Haggadah - an old version of this one - and A Passover Haggadah.)

Yay! I'm going to make Neill say the four question too, because even though I'm younger than he is, he has fewer seders under his belt so he needs the practice! :)

graduate school hell

2010-03-24T22:12:00.000-05:00

as i mentioned in my last post, school has been getting me down lately. I have to say for the last three weeks I've definitely been dragging. I know three weeks probably sounds like nothing to y'all, but I'm sort of wimpy (I guess) so three weeks is enough for me to want to throw in the towel. Unfortunately, i've got five weeks before I can say "i quit" and not actually be a quitter.

if you think about, that equals out to eight weeks or two months of being beaten down with stress and work and having to pull myself through the daily grind. 2 precious months! That's one sixth of a whole year! and then when you add in the two months I spent in graduate school hell last semester - that knocks it up to 1/3! That means that I'll spend 1/3 of this school year (august 09 to august 10) feeling all . . . stressed to the max. This can't be good for my health (or my fiance's health).

recently, i've noticed that even small things are enough to send me to tears. thankfully, my office provides a wonderful private space for crying :)

I think one of my biggest obstacles to living a stress free lifestyle (besides the mountains of homework and lab work that pile up at the most inopportune times), is making time to destress throughout the day. I'm one of those people that constantly feels like there is not enough time for everything and I tend to work myself up over it. Also, then I find myself not eating lunch or going to the bathroom or drinking water or stretching my legs or any of that good stuff because i've convinced myself that there is not enough time to get xyz done so i couldn't possibly take five minutes to heat up my food. Not taking care of myself in that way just makes me feel crappier and more stressed out.

My other obstacle is using the time I do have wisely. All to often I find myself veggin out in front of the television at the end of the day because I'm so drained it is the only activity that I can imagine doing. While I like to tell myself that this helps me unwind, there are probably some things I could do that would be way more effective. I wonder if I would feel better if instead of watching tv, I used that time to meditate, call a friend, or write in a journal.

tomorrow might be a good day to put one of these to work! Door to door, I've got a 14 hour day in front of me. I'll be out the door at 8:30 am and won't be back home till around 10:30 pm. In that time period I'll TA, go to research methods class, have office hours, finish up work for lab, have lab meeting, finish a paper that is due at 6:30 PM, go to neuropsychological assessment class, and hopefully keep a smile on my face!

shopping therapy

2010-03-19T21:22:00.000-05:00

While I am in school right now to become a psychologist, sometimes the best therapy out there is just shopping. School has really been getting me down lately, so I want to treat myself to something totally indulgent. But, I can't decide what pattern of these nine west flats I like the best!

I want them all!

st patties what?

2010-03-17T21:00:00.000-05:00

i'm going to go against the grain here and just announce that i don't give a fuck that it is saint patrick's day. nope. not a hoot.

but you know what i do care about? saint patrick's day weekend marks the one year engage-iversary for my very best friend in the whole world, Grace, and her loveable fiance, Alex.

One of the first pictures I have of them together. Taken during our first few days of college

Gracie is a wonderful friend and an impeccable maid of honor. I'm beyond excited to return the favor and be her maid of honor in their upcoming October wedding. While lately I've definitely been more focused on me myself and I (hate to admit it), I was struck today on how soon their wedding is! There are officially 206 days until I cry my eyes out and then dance the night away in celebration of their nuptials. Which means I've got to start planning their jack and jill shower!

Blowing out their birthday candles at their joint birthday party last may (yes, they have the same birthday!)

Cheers to the funniest (and most fabulous) couple I know!

if i was super funny

2010-03-16T20:55:00.000-05:00

i would totally liveblog The Millionaire Matchmaker episode that is coming on in 9 minutes. I love Patti THAT much. But, because I'm pretty sure it would be a total fail I thought I'd do the second best thing and tell you guys about my idea. Is anyone else a fan?

statistics

2010-03-13T13:10:00.000-06:00

statistics homework is oh so boring.
why must we run the same sort of analysis over and over again?
main effects. interactions. partial eta squared. simple main effects. cohen's d. within subjects. between subjects. mixed model design. blah blah blah.

warm weather

2010-03-12T08:05:00.000-06:00

Here in Chicago the warm weather is trying to poke out from behind the cold. In celebration, Neill and I had our first watermelon of the season. Yum!